Humanity of the Broken [ Band of Brothers ] 2

THIRTY-FOUR

Alice screamed, but silence followed. She felt herself screaming, shrieking into pure blackness, grasping for a lifeline that didn't exist. She was awake. But, her body wouldn't respond. Terror consumed her. She gasped for air, drowning in agony and hysteria. She couldn't move, she couldn't escape. Alice screamed again. It made no noise. Something, maybe someone, held her down. She couldn't breathe. Silent, desperate screeching filled her body.

Her eyes shot open. Her heart pounded. Alice glanced around. She'd clawed herself to full consciousness somehow. The darkness around her felt less oppressive. She felt the clean sheets beneath her hands, the comforter over her body. Her breathing still came so rapid, she almost couldn't get air at all. 

Alice scrambled out of bed. Her bare feet slammed against the wooden floor. Pain shot through her hands when she attempted, and failed, to clench her fists. Memory of but a few hours ago rushed in. The anger, the fear, the hatred, the total despair poured back in. She felt totally and completely alone, a sensation she hadn't known since the early days of Camp Toccoa.

The deep ache of emptiness made her pause. In the middle of her bedroom, she stood silent. The broken mirror on the far wall left a dark hole of nothingness. Alice moved to the side of her bed, hands fumbling as she undid her bag. Finally her hands found what she looked for. A pack of cigarettes sat at the bottom, with only two left inside. She grabbed one without hesitation. Alice lit it.

Smoke filled her lungs after just a few moments. She kept her eyes closed as she stood in her bedroom. Alice knew she should go back to sleep. Gene would insist on it. But as she continued to breathe in the nicotine, the idea of sleeping became more and more terrifying. She remembered the paralyzing fear she'd struggled to fight. Alone, she couldn't win.

The prospect of being alone scared her more than even encountering whatever force had kept her locked in blackness. Alice grabbed her coat to cover her tank top but stayed in shorts, and eased out the door. She knew Gene and George were both somewhere in the building next door. With several harsh internal curses, she regretted not finding out their rooms before bed.

The one person she wanted to find more than anyone slept in their Officers' house of course. But she knew Nixon hadn't been doing well himself. He'd been drinking too much. And they'd never had a chance to talk. As Alice stood outside her bedroom in the hall, she weighed her options. Her body ached for warmth that she couldn't give herself. Eventually, her fear won out.

Alice walked a little ways down the hall. Hesitating in the quiet darkness, she looked at his closed bedroom door. He and Harry had ended up splitting a room, while Speirs and Lipton had another, and Dick his own. She hoped Harry wouldn't mind her intrusion. Her head spun as she raised her bandaged right hand. Pain flooded her senses, emotional and physical

The cigarette in her mouth trembled along with her body. Alice tossed it aside and stomped it out. Her body trembled again.

She knocked softly. Silence followed. After a little less than a minute without a response, Alice considered giving up. But then a small light popped on, shining under the door. Her heart pounded. Guilt poured over her. None of them slept well these days. It was selfish to interrupt them. None of them deserved it.

The door opened quietly, and Harry stood there. He didn't seem at all surprised to see her. His white shirt and shorts looked wrinkled. At first he didn't say anything. Taking a moment to study her, Harry then opened the door for her. The small lamp he'd turned on shined nearby, casting dozens of shadows around the room. His bed sat on the left side, sheets messy and piled everywhere. On the other side of the room, she saw Nixon, bedraggled and out like a light.

It made her smile just a bit. "I'm glad he's sleeping," she murmured.

Harry actually chuckled. He shook his head. "You're worried about him? Right now?"