The One Way Ticket To Hell [BXB]

I

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't move, I couldn't scream. All I could do was try to recollect myself. This wasn't the first time something like this has happened. I guess what they say is true, the person that will betray you the most is yourself. The person of your worst fears, the worst memories, the worst image in your mind, is you. Shallow ragged breathing was the only sound heard in the darkroom. You could faintly hear the wind and the branches hitting against the glass window.

You could have saved her, why can't you just disappear?

My lungs burned. My throat was dry. My thoughts didn't make sense, nothing did at this point. A puddle of tears was collected below me. The memories of the incident fled my mind, blood, gunshots, screams, pleas, the wails of the innocent were enveloping all around me.

A ray of light burst through my door, I panicked immediately and scrambled backward, bumping into something behind me which filled my backside with pain.

"Kayne!" He rushed to my side. I flinched to his cold touch, his blue eyes pierced into mine. "Shhh, it's alright Jamie. Please, try to breathe. It's over, it's not your fault." he cooed. "N-no. I could have-" I screamed. It hurts, please just make it stop. Darkness soon takes over me, although this isn't the type of calm darkness you see before you drift into a peaceful slumber knowing you would be safe. No, this is the darkness that robs you of your best sense and replaces it with a paralyzing fear.

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The beeping got louder and louder, it wouldn't stop. I didn't know where it was coming from either. Then, the rays of sunshine shine on my eyes to wake me with a groan and a frown on my lips. I was in my bed, tucked in and sticky with all the sweat from my panic attack from last night. I sighed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I went into my bathroom and was met by a sickenly pale boy. He disgusted me, he was pathetic. What hurt, even more, was that reflection was me, even as I tell myself that wasn't me I knew I wasn't fooling anyone here. My damp brown hair was mixed with sweat and bed hair. The green eyes of the boy I once knew lost its spark. It no longer shined with love and bright in them, it no longer showed the whole forest in those tiny orbs of green, instead, now it showed a dull green swamp.

I shook those thoughts away and headed to take a shower. I had training with the other elfings a bit and I at least wanted to look convincing that I had decent sleep last night. I shuddered and recollected the memories. I let the warm water rush down my body. It felt nice, warm like a hug. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the calmness of the warm water. After washing myself, I headed out to be met with the smell of breakfast, cooked, and ready. There I saw my older brother, Connor making some peanut butter sandwiches. "Aah, Jamie! You're awake. How'd you sleep?" He asked with a smile, but under that smile, I could see the shade of concern. "Fine, you?" I replied with a yawn, He smiled again but more convincing this time. "It was ok, you hungry?" I shook my head and started heading out the door when Connor took my shoulder, looked me into my eyes and whispered, "I love you, remember that Jamie." I nodded my head and left. I knew he meant it, I could see it in his eyes. Yet my heart chose not to. I was pathetic, a waste of space. I just wanted to hide and disappear.