Keys of Life

Chapter Seventeen: Faye

Chapter Seventeen: Faye

   Today was D-Day. I picked up the phone, breathing a shaky sigh. I was going to have to talk to the more-than-reluctant Autumn. I needed this, I told myself repeatedly. I needed answers. My hands were shaking with longing and complete desperation, trembling stubbornly no matter how hard I tried to still them.

   Keenan walked by, his eyes quick and glittering as he took in my expression and the tremors running through my body. My whole being begged him not to say anything, otherwise I was going to burst into a flood of tears and forget about the whole thing. With a bemused expression on his face, he loped his way up the cream coloured steps in front of me, and disappeared through the doorway to his room.

   A week was a long time, long enough for me to regret ever having a brother, ever having a family, ever having a life. Such strong emotions, coursing through my veins like a battering ram, thicker and more painful than blood.

   Fingers pressed. Buttons clicked. A dialling tone.

   "Hello," a tired voice barked into the receiver. I didn't recognise it.

   "Is that Autumn?" I said uncertainly, my voice crackling like sandpaper and dried out leaves.

   "No, honey, you must have the wrong number." A click. That was it. I bent over the table, practically hyperventilating. My breath gushed in and out of my lungs like sea crashing on rocks, and my head pounded with barely repressed emotion.

   Fingers pressed. Buttons clicked. A dialling tone.

   "Faye?" Autumn questioned on the other end of the phone, her dulcet tones sweeping through my mind. My breath whooped out of my body with a shaking, whistling sigh. I felt my lips turn up slightly at the corners, a little more at ease from hearing someone who was just as nervous as I was.  Not hostile, or unwelcoming. Anxious.

   "Hi, Autumn. How was your holiday?" Manners before business, that's what my mother used to say on the few occasions she stopped to impart some well-timed advice. It happened less and less frequently now, not her version of bestowing a kiss on the top of my head like it used to be. That had been replaced by silences at the end of the phone, awkward pauses to match awkward emotions.

   "Not too bad. It was nice to get away from everything, nice to forget for a little while. I couldn't hide forever though, and I soon got tired of even trying to." I thought about that for a second. It made sense. Maybe I wasn't the only one who felt that there were skeletons in the closet, just waiting to be uncovered.  

   "I know the feeling. Sometimes you run from reality, only to find that you can't escape the truth. At least you made that mistake in the presence of sun, sea and sand, right? Had to be better than moping around in one very wet Ireland."  She laughed, just a light tinkle at the other end of the line. I wondered how many times my brother had heard it, how they had met.

   "Could we maybe meet up sometime soon...?" she said cautiously, her former mirth and flippancy subsiding slightly under the gravity of the situation. "I know I'm being forward, but I'd really like to meet you. It would be nice to talk to someone who knew Jason." I was glad she had been the first person to bring it up. Unease rose in my intense silence, yet I was unable to speak around the all-consuming emotions blocking my throat. Stunned yet grateful, I recovered gradually.

   "Sure. That would be great. How about Newry? That's about half way between the two of us." I didn't know if I wanted to go all the way up to Belfast. There were too many memories, and we would have enough of them on our hands whenever we met.

   "Sounds great. If we meet in 'The Quays'- you know, the shopping centre? We can find a coffee place somewhere..." Autumn trailed off awkwardly. It was a good suggestion, somewhere impersonal and practical. The whole scenario felt like we were arranging a truce in some action film, like bombs were going to explode in a flurry of chaos at any moment. Thoughts could be just as hurtful.

    "Okay. Friday, six o' clock?" That should give her enough time to get away from work, and me enough time to get there from school. Fridays were the only day of the week when my parents were definitely not going to be home. They refused.   

    Jason died on a Friday.

   "See you then. Look, Faye, I have to go. I talk to you on Friday, though?" I closed my eyes for a second, ignoring the world and wrapping a comforting darkness around myself. A deep breath.

    "Yeah, of course. Bye, Autumn."     

    A click.