Keys of Life

Chapter Eighteen: Keenan

Chapter Eighteen: Keenan

   I pulled up outside Faye's school, a mix of modern, dull grey brick and vibrant gothic stone, spires and turrets sticking out awkwardly from the black rooftops. The whole setup was a mash of different eras - a glass spiral staircase jutting out of Victorian stone, trademark sixties concrete and flat roofs beside a beautiful stain glass window, or the soaring murky slate roof of the chapel dominating the skyline, along with a huge industrial pipe thrown into the air as if by mistake.

   I had heard Faye talking on the phone, and had just about been able to make out most of what Autumn was saying. I didn't even know why I had felt the need to eavesdrop, other than I knew that something was wrong. Faye had looked at me with such despair, such nervousness and hurt that I couldn't help but try and make sure everything would be okay.

   So I guessed that was why I had paid fifty euro to hire a car and drive Faye to Newry today.

   It was like I was drugged. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get that girl out of my head, couldn't release myself from a prison filled with her image. All I could think about was how I would draw her...

   Faye loped out of school, her quick, graceful steps reminiscent of a grazing doe. She walked straight past the car, and I rushed to roll down the window.

   "Faye!" I called quietly, the clacking of her heels against the inky blackness of the tar echoing in the sudden emptiness. Her head snapped up, a few stray strands of her golden hair flying in the wind, longing to escape. A quizzical look crossed her face, and I had to remind myself that she had no idea why I was here, or even why I had a car. She waited for me to say something. "Get in. We're going to Newry."

   A look of outrage flashed across her face for a second, shortly followed by a blank mask. I hated that she felt she had to cover her hurt, thought that she couldn't be herself with me. I peered into her eyes, usually sparkling with mischief and the glittering of emeralds, now dull and lifeless as she tried to close off her emotions, tried to shut me out.

    She hopped lightly into the car, the spring in her step at odds with her mood, and proceeded to stare straight ahead, no glimmer of emotion escaping. Silence reigned with an iron fist, its death grip harsh and choking. Out of nowhere, her voice crackled, breaking the uncomfortable quiet.

   "Why did you listen to my conversation?" she questioned, sounding so troubled and unhappy despite her expressionless face.

   "You seemed like you needed the help," I said nonchalantly. The fake impassiveness was as far as possible from what I was actually feeling. I couldn't admit to her that I felt as betrayed as she did, even though I had no idea who I thought had wronged me. A small part of my mind whispered that maybe I had taken the better part of myself for a fool, the part which echoed with discontent at my actions.   

   "What if I didn't?" she pressed, her eyes suddenly burning with intensity, green tinged fire bursting into essence.

   "Then I'm here to support you. I know I shouldn't have eavesdropped, but I knew that something was wrong. Now you get a free ride into Newry, and someone to take you home. The car has to be more comfortable than the bus," I said, the apology clear in my eyes. Her whole body relaxed, a taught string suddenly loosened. She grinned, the light in her expression reminding me of a spark dancing and reeling within emeralds.

   "Yeah, that's true. The company's not great though, but I'll make do." I flicked her playfully, glad we were back to our normal routine of 'tease and be teased'.

   The rest of the ride passed away quickly, each minute ticking by like a second. Only the radio broke through the comfortable quiet, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts.

   I saw the winding bank of the canal, and glanced over at Faye with a grim determination. She was pale, and yet she was a peace, knowing that nothing could change what was about to happen. It was everything I wanted to be, everything that I hoped I could be. I wanted to be dignified, to be able to look death in the eye and know that my life had come to an end. I didn't want to struggle as my life dragged away with the lazy pull of a river. I wanted to float, to feel water lap gently and seep through the edges of my soul, to feel myself breathe and then stop. I wanted my life to be a gift, not a curse. The way that I was sure that Faye's would be, whether life abandoned her at nineteen or ninety.

   "I should be about an hour or so," she threw over shoulder as she eased out of the car. She didn't dare look at me. I just about managed to gather my voice into whisper before I heard the door shut, releasing an echoing, empty, metallic clank into the emptiness.

   "I'll be waiting."