Stay young (Manchester, 1991)

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Back in the hotel I lie in my bed, exhausted by the news Delilah has delivered to me and all the crying on the way back to the hotel. And then I hear a knock and when I open the door it is Penny with two giant cups of ice-cream and the sweetest smile on her face.

"I just love room service. Can we move into a hotel?"

And without any further due, we snuggel in bed together and turn on the tv, watching some crap in the afternoon programm, laughing about the sillyness of it all and eating our ice-cream and for a little while, I forget all the mess I dragged her in.

She has fallen asleep in my arms a long time ago and I try not to move while looking at her. My heart aches in pain and in pride. She is so beautiful already and the smartest girl I know, not quite fourteen years old and she'll be a gorgeous woman one day.  And although a part of me can't wait for her to go on and live a life on her own, another part of me is almost angry at her for growing up so fast. It really seems like yesterday the nurse placed that little bundle into my arms and changed my world forever. 

I remember the moment she grabbed my finger with her tiny, tiny hand for the first time. I remember her first yawn, her first sleepy smile. I remember all the joy, that made me forget the pain of all the months before, having her grow inside me while trying to figure out how to take care for a baby on my own. The guilt when thinking of all the mess she was conceived from. 

And the thoughts of her father, the most terrible thoughts of them all. 

 It all ephaporated the moment I held her for the first time. 

For the last fourteen years my greatest concern was to look out for her, take care of her. And now I have put Penny in the midst of a storm without her even noticing it.

If De and Andrew are still in contact with Noel, then they are also in touch with Liam. 

It was a thought I had before. Delilah always had a soft spot for him. And I know that a part of her always wanted us to end up together back then. She always was Liams Gallaghers strongest advocat.

If Penny would ever get to know how much her mother was involved with the two Gallagher brothers...

I shiver. Suddenly I feel the urge to get out. 

Carefully I pull my arms from under Penny. I grab the key card and my coat on the way to the door and check if I have my wallet in the pocket. I'll go pubcrawling, I have decided before leaving the bed. Some random pub that wouldn't remind me of the past.

Manchester, autumn of 1991 

"Liz, for fuck's sake, move your ass down here!"

Jess' sympathetic gaze lies upon me.

"He really is down on you today, he?" I sigh.

"Seems to be my destiny." I throw the towel into the sink and walk to the basement stairs. Down there I can see my boss Jim wrestling with a huge barrel of beer.

"Would you fancy helpin' me Your Highness?" he yells. I jump down the stairs and put my hands on my hips, watching his helpless attempts to get the barrel up the stairs.

"Jimmy love" I say with my sweetest voice. "Hasn't the doctor told you to be more gentle with your poor back?"

"Shut your bleedin' cake hole and help me" he groans and I bend over to grab the other end of the barrel. It's even more heavy than suspected and with every step up into the bar I hate Jim and this shit job more. 

"Oi, Jim! Can't make a lady work like a fuckin' donkey!" I hear a voice when we put the thing behind the bar. I almost get pushed over by the gigantic barrel when  Jim loosens his grip. 

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