I Love You to the Moon and Back | 1d reunion. l.s.

familiar feelings.

27th April, 2020. 20:45

Harry was leaning against his counter in the kitchen, head hanging low. It may had been a while since he had seen Louis, but it had been even longer since he had seen Zayn. And Harry wasn't nervous one bit. Contrary to what Zayn has said, Zayn knew more secrets about Harry than Louis did, almost. Zayn understood it all. The pressure, the constant lack of control, and what was right or wrong. Zayn understood the blurry line that was between their perfect cutout superstars and who they really were. It's just that Zayn fell through the line while Harry managed to cross it.

In hindsight, Harry wished he was louder about Zayn's mental health. He watched the boy deteriorate in front of his eyes and all he could do was just that. Watch.

And now, after all this time, Harry was calling Zayn because his ex, his only ex, was with a new man. God, maybe he was an arrogant son of a bitch.

The knock of the door saved Harry from the eventual hole he was going to slip down, causing him to look over his shoulder.
       "S'open," he called out.
The numbness he had felt in the morning had travelled through his legs. His feet tingled against the cold tiles.

Zayn gave a gentle knock on the side of the counter, but stayed on the opposite side.
       "Hey," he said, rasping.
       Harry turned his body to look at him, "Hey."
Zayn looked well. Healthy. But, tired.
       "Place is a mess," Zayn chuckled awkwardly.
       "Haven't had a chance to clean, sorry."
It was awkward. Painfully awkward. Harry wanted to skip the small talk immediately. He should probably cut to the chase, right? Vent about Louis for a few hours while Zayn plaited his hair, until Harry was all talked out.
       "I'm sorry I wasn't there enough for you. I know it's been over five years, but I've always felt really... really guilty for never speaking up, or even properly asking if you're okay," Harry spat out in a jumble of a breath.

That was one way to skip the small talk

A frown quickly settled on Zayn's face before he spoke. He stood there, just looking at Harry. Unsure how to approach his next words.
       "I... Uh," he muttered then released another awkward half laugh, "I mean, I never saw it that way?"
       Harry was silent.
       "Obviously, I never blamed you, Harry. I never blamed any of you. You could've told me every single word that I needed to hear and it wouldn't've been enough because it was coming from you rather than them. Rather than management. Simon," he explained, "I always felt supported by you, by all of you. I just... It was just getting too hard to support you guys back. To even support myself. You know, I had reached my limits with the band, but you guys hadn't been wound to the end yet. I definitely never had a single thought of 'Harry could've asked me if I was okay', or 'why did none of them check in when I didn't eat breakfast'. I almost didn't want you to, because I was ashamed that I was letting them win."
       Harry listened to every word carefully, nodding, "God, Z, don't feel ashamed. They knew exactly what made us obey and made us have an outburst. It's how they manipulated us for so long. I'm thankful to say that the band isn't together for the sole reason of not being told what we can't do or say anymore," Harry said softly.

The two boys just looked at each other for a while with a supportive smile. It spoke more words than they ever needed to speak. It gave them all the apologies and thank you's that they needed to hear. Zayn's glance dropped from Harry's gaze to his bandaged hand.
      
       "You good?" Zayn asked, pointing to Harry's fist.
       Harry brushed his other hand over the bandage then shrugged, "Oh, just five years of repression towards Louis pent up then forced out when I find out he's got a new bloke."
       "And you're.. upset over that?" Zayn asked hesitantly.
       "Obviously! He ghosted me then-
       "Harry, shut up."
       "Excuse me?"
       "I've listened to you for years and never butted my head in, you know why?"
       Harry paused, "why?"
       "The thing you're the most stubborn over is Louis. No one could ever give you an ounce of advice on the lad because you were always either head over heels over him, or completely ignoring him. Nothing he does is going to please you, after he broke your heart, Harry."
       "I just wish he would've told me he was with someone else."
       "And you would've called him an asshole. 'Louis reached out just to tell me he's dating again. I hate him'," Zayn mocked.
       "Ugh, yeah, okay. I get it."

Zayn chuckled then walked around the counter to wrap their arms together. He walked Harry to his couch, plopping down with him.
       "I want to be able to tell you that he's your soulmate, so it's going to work out. But life isn't some Larry Stylinson fanfiction, Harry. It's been five years. You had to expect that Louis possibly had a new partner. Five years is enough to change your entire personality," he said quietly.
Everything pushed through Harry harshly. It was the cold truth he knew he had warm up to. The truth that everyone around him would avoid telling him.

Zayn looked at Harry, noticing a wash of paleness overcome him. He looked numb, and Zayn was certain the lad felt numb too. Heartbreak was not something that was over within a few years. The memories flood back and cause you to relive all your happiest moments all at once. It was painful. Because those happiest moments were nothing more than memories.

       "It's just going to be really hard to see him again," Harry finally spoke.
       "Need a friend to help you through it?"
Harry raised a brow and turned his head so he was looking into Zayn's eyes.
       "You'd come for the reunion, for me?"
       "Hey now, don't be cocky. I was already considering it, but it'd be nice to know we'd have each other's backs, yeah?"
       Harry nodded with a smile, "yeah. Thank you."

Zayn pulled Harry into a hug, because he needed this evening just as much as Harry did. Even if their friendship sizzled out into an array of shallow comments towards each other in interviews, they both knew their support was floating in the back of their mind.

       "I have some weed?" Zayn suggested.
       "God, please," Harry replied.

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Hi! I'm backkkkk! Since I was gone for so long (I'm so sorry), is there anything you want out of this story? Even if it's just a small thing? Comment it and I'll attempt to add them all (if it fits).