Wildflower

Prologue

I want to die.

Tears roll over my pinkish cheeks. Leftover makeup smeared over my face. My throat feels dry and I can barely breathe.  I can't shake the feeling of how badly I want to be gone from this world. Wipe away every trace of my existence. But I don't feel like I have the right to say that. I don't think I deserve to say these harsh words out loud, mostly because I don't think I deserve the pity. I most certainly don't want people to look at me as the girl who wants to die. 

At this moment I am twenty-three years old. Most people have already figured out their lives. They are in committed relationships, thinking about moving in with each other. Some even think about having babies, like my best friend Kiara. It makes me feel sick. Why does society want this for their youth? Don't take me wrong I always wanted to be cherished, that signifies why I did a lot of things in my life. Stuff I still regret at this point in my life. And certain elements are probably also part of the reason that I spent 80 present of my time thinking about killing myself.  Maybe I can't complain, I'm In a committed relationship myself with Topper. But I can't be myself with him, he makes me be this girl that he wants me to be. So many thoughts are crossing my mind all at once. I wonder do these perfect people around me ever experienced this feeling. Do they ever sit in their darkroom thinking about the knife in front of them, thinking about grabbing that knife and softly pressing it into their flawless skins? I want to do that so badly right now. But I Know this time cutting myself won't be enough. What have I done? How did my life become so fucked up?

My phone buzzed.

And for just a second My spiral thoughts stopped and my heart started to race. An unknown number texted me, but I knew exactly who it was. "Are you alone?" I was alone in my room, my parents were away for a change. Most of the time they never leave my side. That is because they don't trust me. And damn right they are for not trusting me because what I am about to do will change my family entirely. You have to understand something When I say family, I mean me, my mom, my dad, sister and my ginger cat. Everyone else already died, what lucky Basterds they are. I am twenty-three, I have no clue about life however I'm still going to play for God. A girl that wants to die is going to control four lives. But I have to, it is the only right thing that I can do, and I hate you for making me do this. So I picked up my phone, and reply to the unknown messenger. 

"Yes I am alone."