Roofers.

45. Addiction.

Scarlett POV.

My heart fucking stopped beating. My blood stopped flowing into my fingertips. Instinct kicked in before I could think. Gently I pulled out, I got off of him, wrapping his shaking frame in my arms as I lay beside him. He was sobbing. Shaking. His face was red and I could see the horror in his eyes. I gulped, trying to steady my breaths, stay perfectly calm for his sake. My emotion buries itself with fear and my instinct to protect him came hurtling towards me full force. I was virtually stuck, sitting in the back of my mind. Screaming in pain. Begging him to forgive me for hurting him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry," he cried into the small of my neck gasping as he clenched me against him, "I shouldn't have used my safe word, it just... it felt so good and I—". He could barely speak. His voice was so unnaturally small. He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling closer to him. I hated what I'd done to him. My baby boy. My bunny. My princess. My whole fucking universe. Fuck, I hated what I'd done. I'd hoped I'd never have to live through this. I felt helpless, watching him sob, knowing I was the reason for his tears. I was so, so deep in my space maybe I hadn't noticed his discomfort. He seemed fine until suddenly he wasn't. He was burning to the touch, his body trembling as if he'd endured an earthquake.

"Never apologise for using your safe word. It's okay to use when you need to, okay? Oh, baby, I'm so sorry, I... I... don't worry, sweetheart, your safe here. Everything's okay."

"D-don't apologise. Mommy, you were so good. It felt so good. I... I just — you were hitting my spot, and it felt like... oh my god it felt like—"

"Shh, it's okay, sweetheart. Speak when you're ready, okay?" I sucked in the tears that wanted to flow from my eyes. I took deep breaths to keep storm at bay. The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. What kind of dominant was I? The sound of his safe-word rang aloud in my head, over and over and over. I was a mockery of a domme, and here he was, afraid that I'd leave him. Apart from this, losing him was my worst nightmare.

"Yeah," he whispered.

"I'm so proud of you, bunny. You were such a good boy for me. You're still my good boy. Fuck, I love you so much. I'm sorry. It'll be all right, just... breathe for me—" I continued to reassure him until he stopped crying. His sobs subsided into soft, quiet sniffles.

"It's okay," the air was so quiet in here.

"I'll be right back," I murmured as I unwrapped from his frame.

"Where are you going?" He asked worriedly. He looked like he was going to cry again. He shot up, sitting on the bed with the duvet wrapped around him. He looked beautiful, even with his puffy eyes and red nose. He looked like an angel... the one I'd hurt. I felt as though I had snatched his innocence from him. As though I had dragged him from his place in the heavens and stolen his wings. And yet he still looked at me with that stupid, stupid fucking love in his eyes. I wished he'd hate me. For a second I wish he'd just hate me and ignore me or yell at me. I wanted him to scream, to fight, to get some sort of revenge for what I'd just done to him. But he didn't. Instead, he wanted me close to him.

"To clean up a bit," I lied. I could barely look at him without hearing him gasping, without hearing his safe word ripping through the air. I was going to cry in there, but I didn't want him to see that. I didn't want to discourage him from doing what he needed to, when he needed to, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold the tears in longer.

"I'll come with you," he insisted, shifting as he tried to get into my view again. I couldn't look at him. Not yet. Not without him seeing it.

"No!" I snapped, he shifted back, the worried look on his face had frozen there. "I didn't mean to yell, I just... I need to... um... I'll be right back, okay?" I croaked. I quickly made my way into the bathroom. But by the time I'd closed the door, the tears were already flowing down my face. For the life of me they wouldn't stop. I slid onto the cold ground as if the world was on my shoulders, crushing me into the stupid fucking marble tiles. I buried my face into my hands. Sobbing in silence, my hands covering my mouth as I rocked back and forth. My eyes squeezed shut, forcing rivers of tears down my face. My lungs trembled as I tried to breathe. I tried to remember how to breathe, but all I could think of was Ronan and how maybe he deserved someone better than me. My eyes stared at the ceiling, I was trying my best not to worry him.