Sirens and Sprinkles

Doughnut Mess with a Cop

True to his word, Roger tagged along with Dave on his next doughnut run. He'd painted his nails as red as their fire truck for the occasion. Just looking at them gave Dave flashbacks to his grandma and how she'd pinch his cheeks until they were as red as her nails. Thankfully, avoiding looking at them was surprisingly easy. It was the dolphin (or was it a severely malnourished whale?) painted in glittery face paint on Roger's cheek that grabbed his attention.

"Too fabulous for you?" The dolphin leapt as Roger smiled. "What can I say? Lucy is quite an artist."

Dave mumbled the affirmative, although he seriously doubted even a five-year-old would disfigure a dolphin quite that badly. No, this was definitely Roger's handiwork.

The pair strutted into Delightful Doughnuts. A broad-shouldered police officer with a buzz cut and, if the look on his face was any indication, an extra-large cactus shoved up his butt was in the middle of barking his order at a very tired looking Dylan. "- a dozen lemon filled, six powdered sugar, and three maple bacon, double the bacon."

Roger mimed throwing up and muttered, "What kind of psychopath loves lemons that much?"

"The kind that can handcuff you to a lemon if you don't shut up," Dave hissed.

"I'll get right on that," Dylan said as they set to work boxing the order. "This might take a bit. I'll have to get more bacon bits from the back."

The police officer drummed his fingers on the counter. If they didn't already have holes, he would have glared fresh ones straight through all the doughnuts. "Better add half a dozen small coffees to that order," he said. He threw a glare over his shoulder. "Dealing with difficult people always leaves me craving caffeine."

Dave put a restraining hand on Roger's shoulder as a vein twitched in his coworker's forehead.

Finally, the officer left the store with the coffee he'd ordered and a box bloated to bursting with doughnuts. Roger sighed as if he'd just finished running a marathon barefoot. "Finally! Jeez, I thought he'd never leave."

"Sorry about that," Dylan said. They massaged their temples. "That guy always gives us huge orders."

"Heck if I know why." Roger grimaced. "I mean, what do the police even do around here anyway? The last bit of excitement Maplevale got was when Ms. Sanchez proposed to half the retirement home in a week. I haven't seen so many angry old farts since they stopped serving chocolate pudding at the cafeteria."

"They probably say the same thing about us," Dave said. "When was the last time we got a call for anything more dangerous than burnt popcorn?"

"That doesn't mean he has to be such a wet sock to everyone, does it?"

"Anyway," Dave dropped a handful of change into the Doughnut Worry, Be Happy coffee mug that served as the store's tip jar, "I'm sorry you had to deal with that guy."

"Just another tough customer," Dylan said with a shrug. "Maybe someday our doughnuts will help him chill out a little. In the meantime, what tickles your fancy today?"

Dave picked out three doughnuts: one chocolate, one blueberry, and one cookie crumble. Mercifully, Roger didn't even attempt to shoot for any extras. Even he could tell from Dylan's sagging posture that, despite their ever-present smile, they really needed a break.

The policeman loitering outside Delightful Doughnuts was much more assertive. As soon as the pair exited with their bag of goodies, he sauntered over to them with the smile of a lion about to pounce on its prey. "Good afternoon, fellas. I couldn't help but notice that you didn't pay for those doughnuts."

"And I can't help but notice you've been hovering around this place like a vulture, you-"

Dave thumped Roger on the arm and gave the officer an apologetic look. "You'll have to excuse him. He gets irritable when his blood sugar's low. To answer your question Mr.- "

"Officer." The cop puffed out his chest. "Officer Jones."

"To answer your question Officer, the staff here are kind enough to give us free doughnuts once a week."

"And why is that?" Officer Jones squinted at him through his sunglasses.

"It's because, well, um..." He glanced helplessly at Roger.

"A few years back," Roger said, "Walt and the other firemen who worked with him at the time helped the owner track down his lost cat. The guy's let us have free doughnuts once a week ever since as a sort of thank you."

"So he is exhibiting favoritism toward some of his customers then? The police work tirelessly to keep this town safe, yet he values glorified animal control over us?"

As Roger's eye twitched, Dave spoke up to prevent him from putting his foot or, knowing Roger, his entire leg in his mouth. "Maybe you could try asking the owner about it. I'm sure he'd be happy to hear you out."

"Oh, he'll hear me out alright." With that, Officer Jones climbed into his patrol car and zoomed off with his tires screeching in fury.

Roger snickered. "You know, I bet his coffee's gone lukewarm by now."