kagehina: jackets

Part V

     "That's what Noya-senpai said?" Kageyama asked as Hinata recounted the story. Practice had ended an hour ago. Kageyama had needed to pick up some apples so they had made a detour to the fruit market. The sky was fading fast over the park, a shortcut to their houses from the market.

     "Yeah." Hinata was again prepared to be slapped or yelled at. He wasn't sure what Kageyama would do. He wasn't sure what he should do. His mind was jumping all over the place, making it really hard to concentrate.

     "Well. Then. I guess we must be." Kageyama shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal. Hinata thought he misheard.

     "What!" Hinata couldn't keep up. His heart was beating super fast, although he couldn't tell if it was from panic or adrenaline or something else. Or the idiot in front of him. Who was he kidding. It was totally the idiot in front of him.

     "Hinata - would you like to date me?" Kageyama asked, clearly annoyed at how slow Hinata's brain worked.

     "Um, sure, yes." Hinata looked straight ahead. He clutched his bag, trying to make sense of anything. They were dating? No way. But, didn't Kageyama just ask him out? Kageyama asked him out? What? This was going too fast for Hinata to keep up. And how was Kageyama so calm?

     "Alright." Kageyama kept a steady pace. He transferred his bag of apples to his left hand and was about to take Hinata's.

     "What's wrong with you?" Hinata burst out. The zap of energy that went up his hand at Kageyama's touch ached immediately as he snatched his hand back. He was still reeling in shock and his mind couldn't keep up with everything unfolding. "You're so, well, acting like this isn't a big deal! It is to me. At least, I've never been in a relationship. But I don't think people just get together if everything else thinks they are. You're acting like it's not a big deal. It is!"

     "Then why did you say yes?" Kageyama asked, his voice becoming dangerous.

     "Because." Hinata spit out. "Because -" he stopped himself. Because I like you.

     The two kept walking in charged silence. Hinata's heartbeat slammed into his ears repeatedly and his cheeks were so flushed. Although he was overheating, Hinata rubbed his hands together as if he was cold. Kageyama kept shrugging on his jacket like he wanted to take it off.

     "It's a big deal to me too. I've never been in a relationship." Kageyama broke the silence. "This is important to me."

     "But you're so calm about it! Like it's something casual, like playing volleyball." Hinata protested. There was no way in hell he could be calm. Even though they were the only ones in the park and it was dark, Hinata felt exposed. Like Kageyama could see him, really see him, despite the shadows and darkening sky. Each step on the worn down concrete path felt dangerous. Like one wrong step and a land mine would explode.

     "I'm not calm about it." Kageyama raised his voice. He breathed in, once and then continued in a quieter voice made of steel. The words sounded bitter, as if Kageyama wished they weren't true. "I haven't been able to pass normally because of this, because of you, my heart is always racing and I'm cold all the time. I can't focus."

     "Then why do you give me your jacket?" Hinata demanded, puzzled. And what did he have to do with Kageyama's tosses? Hinata felt like he couldn't spike because of Kageyama. Because of his eyes following Hinata, because of how distracting the setter was. For a second, he considered if it went both ways. No way. Hinata didn't want to give himself false hope.

     "I don't know!" Kageyama hissed. He stopped walking in the middle of the path, turning to Hinata. "I thought you liked it."

     "I do! It's comfy and it's warm and it reminds me of you, but you shouldn't have given it to me if you wanted it. You're so confusing Kageyama. I can't understand anything." Hinata confessed. His head was spinning. If Kageyama liked him, which seemed impossible, how was he acting like getting together was not a big deal?

     "Well, what am I supposed to do?" Kageyama demanded, his voice rising impatiently. They were standing face to face in the middle of the concrete path, Kageyama staring down at Hinata. Both of them seemed to be waiting for a land mine to explode. As if they had already activated the trigger and were waiting for the countdown to reach zero. 

     "Tell me what's going on. What do you mean? What are you feeling?" Hinata shouted back into his face. He was tired of being so messed up in his own feelings, tired of everyone else making it worse, and so tired of Kageyama be able to reduce him to nothing but a pile of emotions. He wanted answers. 

     Kageyama looked like he was going to explode. Then he leaned back, and smacked Hinata's face. Hard. Not like when they were bantering in the gym, but this slap was designed to be painful. Designed to make Hinata feel pain.