EASY WAY OUT ¹ ➢ spencer reid

XXXIV

Sometimes it felt like my brain forgot that I saw Reid almost every single day, because the second his tall, thin frame came into view I felt my face grow hot and my palms get sweaty. For a split second I thought about turning back around and running for the hills, but before I had time to do that he spotted me. He raised his hand for a quick second, signalling me to his presence, before lowering it back to the strap of his messenger bag. He smiled warmly, leaning against the front of his car. I swallowed hard, walking around the side of the car despite my legs starting to feel like gelatine. I stopped once I got to the passenger door, reaching for the handle. We both got inside, adjusting ourselves accordingly before he buckled his seatbelt and turned on the car.

"So, uh, what's up?" He looked over at me curiously.

Before I had the chance to think about what I wanted to say I was saying it. "Do you like me?" I asked. My chest moved up and down heavily as I stared forward towards the dashboard. Part of me couldn't believe I'd said it like that, while the other part knew that if I didn't I'd just beat around the bush and avoid talking.

"I, um," he cleared his throat, shuffling in his seat. "I.."

I looked over at him. He looked visibly uncomfortable, which made me feel horrible. He probably expected this conversation to be about some sort of case, not a heart to heart about feelings.

"I'm sorry." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "I just, I..." I could feel my hands shaking so I grabbed my knees, hoping to steady them. "I just need to know if you feel the same way about me." When he didn't respond, I continued, forcing myself to get on with the inevitable. "I know I said when I liked you it probably didn't seem like a big deal, but I literally can't stop thinking about you." I breathed heavily, gripping my knees tightly. "I know it's stupid and I said I didn't want things to get in the way of our friendship, but-" I could feel myself starting to cry. I took another deep breath, closing my eyes for a couple of seconds. "-after that night in the hotel room, I just... things felt different and I-I don't know what happened."

The tears started flowing almost immediately. I swore under my breath and looked up at the ceiling of his car, holding my breath. My chest puttered as I let go of my knees and wrapped my arms around my stomach.

"Isla I..."

"I'm, uh..." I closed my eyes. I knew I shouldn't have said anything, at least not like this. I turned my attention to the door handle, grabbing it quickly. I pushed the door open and stepped out. As I pulled my body from the vehicle I felt Reid grab my hand tightly.

"Isla, wait."

I couldn't do this. I ripped my hand away from his and grabbed my stuff. I jumped out, slamming the door behind me. Without looking back I started running. I felt the stab wound on my leg throb from the sudden excretion, but I didn't care. I booked it home, sobbing as I stumbled up the stairwell and into my apartment. Once the door was closed I brought my hands to my face, wiping away the tears that refused to stop. I paced back and forth, pulling the roots of my hair out of frustration. I couldn't believe I actually thought he liked me. That night in the hotel room was obviously just him being nice and I took it the wrong way. He didn't want me and although it was hard to accept I knew I couldn't do anything about it. You couldn't change how someone felt about you.

My phone rang from my bag. I angrily fished it out, taking a second to read his name on the screen. I shook my head, feeling it vibrate against my shaking fingers. Even though I knew he wasn't interested I knew I should probably still hear him out. I told him this wouldn't affect our friendship, yet here I was running away like a child. I swallowed hard, shakily answering the call before bringing it up to my ear.

"Isla, c-can we please talk about this?"

"Yeah," I continued pacing. "I-I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. You just kind of caught me off guard."