Wings of Butterflies

3. Before We Fall

Waking up in the forest, I realised what an impossible angle my body was forming. I should be in a lot of pain, but I didn’t feel anything, except from a hunger that made me feel like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. Looking out in complete blackness, I noticed that the dark did not stop me from seeing everything. It didn’t matter if it was a big tree or a small ant: nothing escaped my sharp eye. For me, it might as well have been daylight. As I sat up in the wet grass, I started to think about what had happened. I knew that the war had come to our town and then… I closed my eyes to concentrate, but it didn’t help. There was nothing but fog in my head. And a loud scream. The scream from..

     “Leslie.”

     My voice should have been weak or dry but it was strong. Almost too strong for the empty woods. It sounded different to me. Like I had grown older. I came swiftly to my feet and started to walk without a real goal. The panic grew in my chest and I felt deeply helpless. I didn’t know where to search for my sister or if.. Something cold pressing up against my naked calves stopped my thoughts. The smell in the air told me what was lying on the ground, but I did not want to believe it. It could not be right. Afraid of looking down, I shut my eyes, took one step forward and turned around. “This is not what I think it is, this is not what I think it is.” As my eyes opened and localized the object on the soil, I felt like I was going to suffocate.

     “No, no, no.”

     My legs could no longer carry me and I fell down on my knees, shaking. Laying frozen and dead, there was my sister’s body. I looked down on her with a mix of paralyzing fear and astonishment. How could she, covered in blood and wounds, have such a peaceful expression on her face? My hands followed the contours of one of many wounds on her arms. It looked like…teeth marks. A flash in my brain showed a ragged man running towards me and suddenly, everything was clear.

     “NO! Leslie.. NO!”

     I took my sister in my arms and rocked her back and forth. My insides were crying, but no tears came floating down from my eyes. Instead a lump started to grow in my throat and it felt like I wasn’t getting any air again. Why? Why Leslie, she was so young. Why not me instead of her? I felt the need to stare at her familiar face one more time but as I brought her head up, something wet got stuck on my right hand. When I brought the hand to my face, I saw that it was blood. A lot of blood. Without thinking, like a reflex, I pressed the hand to my mouth and licked every last drop of blood from it. With a terrified gasp, I backed away from the body. My stomach made an unfamiliar hollow sound and I had to fight every fibre in my body that craved more. Much, much more. What was I doing? Why did I at this moment want my sister’s blood more than anything else? Was I going crazy? Carefully, trying to prevent my monstrous reflexes, I crawled over to where Leslie was laying and cried out a heart-rending scream. There, in her now blank crystal blue eyes that had opened, were silver drops. Beautiful silver drops of blood glittering in the light of the moon.

“Gabrielle please, you have to wake up.”

     I noticed that arms were shaking me before I grew conscious of the world around me. Before my eyes opened, I felt the panic occupying my entire being. My bewildered stare met a pair of horrified brown eyes and before I knew it I was out of my resting place, standing in the corner of the room, hyperventilating. 

     “Gabby, it’s me.”

     Ray walked slowly over to where I was standing, reaching out a hand for me to grab. Everything I was able to do was crawl deeper into my corner, closing my eyes in the hope that he wouldn’t come any closer.

     “Hey, I’m here. Take my hand.”

     The panic was boiling inside and I couldn’t control it. I could not control anything about my own behaviour and it would have scared me if I had been my normal self.