Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Chapter 3: Just A Kiss Goodnight

For the rest of the night, Gerard and I walked the streets of Belleville. We took a walk into town and pretended to window shop like it was midday. We even looked over the closed flower shop and maybe stole a flower or two. Outside of town, we skipped down a trail together, hand in hand. Our little journey ended at the Passaic River. Across the water, we could see the lights of Arlington. About a mile to our left was the bascule bridge. We could have gone there, but it was late and I'm sure Gerard didn't have the energy to go climb up a bridge with me.

We sat in the tall grass together on a small hill overlooking the river. Most of our chatter has been replaced by a comfortable silence by now. Exhaustion has got the best of us.

"Thank you for tonight, Frankie," Gerard murmured. This broke our silence. I shifted my gaze over to him. This exact moment brought me back to when I first met this man. The moonlight softly highlighted every sharp feature from his browline to his chin. I think I'm falling in love again.

"Of course," I replied. Oh, before I forget... I dug into the pocket of my jacket and produced the second corsage I purchased for Gerard. I took his hand so that I could slide on the corsage. It fit pretty well to my surprise.

"Oh, you-- you bought one!" He seemed genuinely surprised. He lifted his wrist slightly to view it better. I hope he noticed the flower I picked.

"I picked out the pansy," I explained. "It was the flower you liked, right?"

I never got an answer. Gerard was moved to tears at this point, but why? Was the gesture too nice?

"Gerard?"

Still no answer. Instead, I received a tiny cry.

"No one has ever been this nice to me."

Those words struck my heart. No one? I moved closer to him and took his hand into mine. As I laced our fingers together, he brought his gaze onto me. "I've lived the cliche unpopular high school life. I wasn't like the other guys, you know? I liked art, I liked music, I liked fashion. To this old-school town, I was just some weird kid, some outsider. I never felt like I belonged. On top of that, I could never find any friends. My only friend was my brother. He's younger than me, about 3 years. Only he understood me and liked the things I liked. And since I never had friends, I never got a girlfriend. I had thought girls never liked me, so maybe...maybe boys did. That was a mistake on my part," He frowned now and looked away. "Those idiotic jocks...you don't want to know what they did." His brows knit together. Whatever they did, it must've been an awful experience. I squeezed Gerard's hand. "It's why I dropped out early and became the mess I am today. I mean...look at me—" He gestured over himself with a disgusted look. "I'm wearing a skirt! Only girls wear skirts."

As soon as those words left his mouth, I shook my head. "We can wear skirts too," I said calmly. "Besides, I think it fits you. You look stunning." Gerard looked me in the eye again. This time something completely new was on his face. Was that love?

"I can't possibly look great," He muttered. Oh, what will it take to get through his thick skull? I was done with the "attempts" and the questioning. I wanted to feel something new. I'm sick of the doubt and worry that always held me back. This time I'm going all in. I gave Gerard's hand another squeeze as I leaned over to plant a soft kiss on those lips I had always stared at.

Kissing another man was different than I'd imagine. I always thought it would be the same as kissing a woman, but boy was I wrong. It almost felt as if I were kissing myself. Gerard wasn't just any normal man though. His lips felt soft yet a little on the wetter side. It's like they've never seen a chapped day. The only strange part about this was that it felt completely natural. I thought that if I gave in, the Heavens would open above us and the angels would smite us for a homosexual act. However, that never happened.

I parted our kiss now, and as I sat back, I noticed Gerard has been moved to tears. He was happy though. He wore a thin, curved smile at me, and it felt genuine. At that moment, I felt as if my feelings have finally been reciprocated.

"Where have you been my entire life?" He whispered. "I wish I knew you before..."

"Me too." My answer surprised me. For some reason, I did wish I had met Gerard before all of this. Though tonight was magical, I wished we had more time together.

Gerard let my hand go so that he could cup the side of my face. He still wore that thin smile. His eyes glanced over every feature of me. "You're always saying I'm beautiful, but I think you're the beautiful one, Frankie. You don't give yourself enough credit."

"Neither do you."

He laughed softly. "Oh, there's nothing to like about me," He said. Now his eyes focused on mine. "If only I could draw you right now. I think you'd see how beautiful you are then."

How I wish we could stay in this moment forever. I would be happy to escape the daily hustle and bustle of my everyday life to live a more carefree life with Gerard.

"Do you have a place?"

"Of course I do!" Gerard laughed at my question. "Do you think I just roam the streets like a homeless person?"

I blushed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." Gerard waved me off as if to dismiss my apology. He stood up now, but our hands were still holding one another. Not a word escaped his lips as he led me back into the heart of Belleville. We took all sorts of twists and turns on the streets before coming across a small, rundown neighborhood. Although its appearance wasn't the best, it also wasn't the worst neighborhood in Belleville. It was livable, and that was all that could be said about this part of town.

Alas, we reached the place Gerard has been leading me too. Appearance-wise, I could tell it was in a much better condition than the other homes we passed. It had a new coat of paint on its siding and front porch. The roof looked reshingled as well. I took notice that the lawn was freshly mowed too. At least some people had some decency.

I followed Gerard up to the porch. Before we stepped inside though, I took a hold of Gerard's arm. "Is anyone else staying here?" I needed to ask in case I had to introduce myself.

"Yeah, just my brother," He assured. "I'm sure he's just sleeping right now though." With those words hanging in the air now, he stepped into the house and led me through the hallway to his room. Once inside, I closed the door behind me as softly as I could. Near the bed, Gerard shimmied off his skirt and grabbed a pair of raggedy jeans off his bed. There was an assortment of different clothes scattered on his bed. Something about it was more artistic than messy.

"Sorry for the mess," Gerard said quietly. "I'm not really tidy."

"Me neither," I smiled. An effort to reassure him. I took a seat next to him on the bed and took a glance around the room. His room isn't really that bad. I think it's comfortable. Of course, it could use some cleaning. I rested my gaze on Gerard now and gave him a smile again. 

"Did you wanna sleep?" He blushed, his head ducking slightly. I could tell he felt awkward, and honestly, I did too. "Sure," I said. "I can sleep on the floor if you want."

"No, it's fine," He blurted. "I mean, my bed's big enough anyway." He got himself situated underneath the bed covers. His eyes met mine afterward, and he raised a brow. Taking the cue, I shrugged off my jacket and untied my tie. When I felt I was comfortable enough, I crawled over to the other side of the bed and laid down. We were both turned on our sides to where we were looking at each other. There was silence for about a good minute until he spoke up.

"I wonder how Mikey's gonna react to you," He said with a growing smile. 

I shrugged my shoulder and I gave him a slight smile. "I don't know, maybe he'll like me."

"Heh, well, he's shy, so talk carefully." 

I nodded. We fell into another silence but it was more comfortable than awkward. I wasn't sure when I dozed off...