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A/N: Unedited. Hope it's still good.
His soft hands rest in front of yours. His fingers every so often coming to rest in contact with yours. He has the soft smile spread wide. His blue eyes sparkle like the sunlight hits the ocean in the right spot. A sight you use to enjoy like the best things in life that he would give you. It's the crushing blow that eight years of your life was trashed down the drain. It's the feeling of pure joy that hits staring in them. The happiness that dances in them. You loved that.
When the news had spread wide around like a wild fire that couldn't be put out. The news articles and social media spreading it around. It's the crushing blow that deep down, nothing he had said meant what he said to you. It's the tear of skin that you won't ever admit hurt more then you lead on. It's the tears that rolled down your cheeks as fast as you wiped them away.
Two months of not hearing from the long haired guitarist, it all made sense. He had found better just like he promised he wouldn't. He did the worst he could ever do. The news, the denial, you didn't believe it. You didn't want too. It's when you dialed the number, you had found out he had changed his number. It's the only valid excuse. It's the one thing you wouldn't dare let your mind wonder on.
It's the thought of the fact all those nights of him holding you to his body, his lips tracing down your body that it makes your skin crawl with disgust. The mere thought of his mind being on something, some one that was not you. It had never been that way. It was never what he expressed. It was never what he saw like you saw him. You moved heaven and earth for him.
You gave him all you had and then some. You fixed his problems. You always had. You stood in like a shield to take what he couldn't handle. You took the bullets and shed the blood so he wouldn't have had too. Maybe for him, it was never what you had hoped. He never saw you as anything more.
Maybe at the beginning, but not now. That's the blow that you can't quite take. The heartache that feels the chest of yours as you sit in the empty one bedroom apartment you had rented months ago at night. As the man who once held your heart in his hands could just crush it like you didn't need it to survive.
Just like you didn't need to be able to heal to move forward. It's like he knew that you would always find him and he wouldn't let you move to be with anyone else.
He broke you.
He grabs one of your hands once the gloves come off. You could almost fall into those beautiful swirls. He rubs a finger along the outside of your hand. You missed this. You can't admit it out loud, but seeing him like this. You miss seeing this Ricky. This soft side that only the luckiest of people see him as. It's what made you fall.
It's also what made things harder to believe when it came to him.
"Y/N."
He sighs.
His beanie sits on top of his head. His eyes soften even more. It almost looks like he wants to cry. He shakes his head, it hanging low as he looks to the table.
"I'm sorry."
He looks towards to where you sit.
"I want us back. I miss us."
His oceans find yours again, unshed tears fill them.
"I want it back."
Looking down to where his hand rests with yours, the grip tightened since he had expressed the meaning behind the meeting. You had wished you just cancelled like you had wanted too.
"I'm sorry."
He could preach the world to you then. You would have bent backwards. You had no backbone. No will to do anything for yourself. It meant him. You didn't realize that then. You loved him. You still do. There won't be a day you won't ever probably. He meant everything to you. He had been your boyfriend for years.
That you can't change in a day. He held everything you loved in one man. You don't know where that changed. Much less that you never spotted it. Just the little details, love is blind and it's sucks you didn't see that see that sooner when you should have.
"Y/N. Please. I made a mistake."
Ricky begs.
His other hand coming to rest with yours, holding on to them. His bottom lip trembles. The same look of desperation fill his eyes as it did yours that day. The way your fragile heart crushed at the news alone. The way it crushed and broke even more when his phone no longer was the same number. It all made sense then.
You felt helpless. Fooled. Stupid. Every single word you can think of, that's what you felt. You fixed everything he ever had or any problem. He didn't appreciate that. He never had.
Jerking your hand away from his. His heartache goes from that to confused. Was he not doing what he thought he could to you anymore? He couldn't just apologize and pull you in like he always had? He messed up. He knows that now. He lost you for good, didn't he?
"Baby, come on. Don't be like that. Please."
He whimpers.
The reality hitting him like a ton of bricks.
It would never be the same.
"I don't really care how bad it hurts."
You sigh, "You have such a nerve to come back and expect me to just go with you."
Standing up from the table, you shake your head and grab the gloves sliding them back on.
"You broke me first Ricky."
The tears threaten to fall and it's all you need to do to walk out to leave the man sitting there in shock. His own set of his tears rolling down his cheeks. His eyes following to where you walk down the road, head down to the ground as your hair flows with the cold winter breeze.
