(REWRITING) You can't love me. (dempeo)

You cant love me Dempeo

Ellen

Im such an idiot, I came so close to kissing him.  All the work to get back to friends and I came so close to messing up. I even went on a date with a man who isn't my boyfriend to attempt to get him out my mind. Seen how that went. Luckily I can attempt to stay away from him. We won't have much scenes because well, Mcdreamy has a wife. Much like Patrick, he has a wife. Off limits. Well I actually like Kate Walsh which is Patrick's on-screen wife. I've only met Jillian once, but I don't really like her that much.

"Hey Ellen, how was your break." Sandra come's up to me.

"Hey, it was good, you?" I walk with her to set.

"So, so, good." She smiles. I really like Sandra. She's nothing like her character, Cristina. I really think her and I are going to be good friends.

"Hey Ellen and Sandra!" TR comes up to us.

"Hey." Sandra and I both say.

Oh no. There's Patrick.

"Excuse me guys, do you think I could steal Ellen for a moment?" The thing i've been dreading. Why can't he just let me be? He pulls me over to the costume room.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He knows why i'm avoiding him. I almost kissed him!

"I'm not" I look down.

"I'm not dumb." He crosses his arms.

"Mhm." I say. He places a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Ellen, look at me." I look up to meet his eyes.

"I'm not avoiding you, okay?" I storm out of the room.

---

We're filming for episode three. I read over the script. I have to kiss Patrick today. Fuck. It says that Kate is also kissing Patrick. I'm kissing him in a pathetic, sad, mildly disgusting way. Kate's kissing him in a sexy, come back to me, sort of way.

Luckily, I hardly have any scenes at all with the Mcdreamy couple. I have scenes today with Sandra, Tr, Katherine, and Kate Burton. I just want to keep my distance from Patrick. I know that there's something on my end, more than attraction, but I have no clue how Patrick feels. He tried to kiss me once before but we were drunk. A couple weeks ago he completely dissed me when I tried to kiss him.

I know he's married. He made a vow to his wife. So i'm sure he has no interest in me. Why would he want a, way underweight, hardly any meat on the bones, basic looking women. He has a beautiful long legged wife with, blonde hair, blue eyes, a beautiful body, and she's the mother of his child. It's all in my head. He's never felt anything for me. If anything, i've only embarrassed myself. 

"Hey, Ellen" Patrick smirks over. I think he knows exactly what he's doing. He knows I feel something for him. This is all a game to him.

"Hi, Patrick," I give my fake smile. He walks over to me.

"Look, I wanna know what's going on with us. You're obviously mad at me or I must've done something to piss you off. Whatever it is just talk to me." He goes to touch my shoulder.

"Patrick, we need Kate and you on set, right now please."

"Saved by the bell. We're talking later." He leaves.

I want to watch this scene between Kate and Patrick. I want to see if their chemistry is better or worse than ours. Or maybe, maybe it's the same. Patrick just tricks you into being attracted to him and then the heat fires up. He's just that good of an actor.

"I don't know what the third option is." Kate lean's her head down to kiss him, he responds quickly. They kiss for a moment, not long. No tongue.

"I just know I still love you." Kate whispers.

Patrick smiles at her and she walks away.

"Cut! Wow. Patrick, Kate, that was amazing." The director praises.

Patrick walks passed me and grabs my hand, he pulls me into the closet. It was dark, there was only a dim over head light. The space was tight.

The pins me against the wall, his arms on either side of me.

"You need to tell me, what the hell is going on. I'm trying here to be your friend. You don't communicate, you won't tell me what's going on. I'm not a mind reader." I feel his hot breath on my neck.

"I can't take it anymore." I can hardly resist the urge to tear off his clothes.

"Can't take what?" He eyes me up and down.

"This, me getting the wrong idea about me and you." I admit.

"What idea are you getting?" He whispers into my ear.

"When you pin me against the wall, all I can think about is your lips on my neck. You ripping my clothes off. I want your body pressed against mine.  Kinda crazy, right?" I look deeply into his eyes.

"Ellen.."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Friend's don't really do that." I remove his arm and open the door and rush out.

I can't stop myself from crying. It hurts being denied what you really want.

"Ellen, we need you and Patrick for your kissing scene." The assistant informs me.

Luckily Meredith is crying in that scene so, no problem.

"And you, hating you is the most exhausting."

I place my hands on the sides of his face and kiss him. Then Meredith goes back into the hospital.

That was the last scene of the day for me, I change out of my scrubs and go back into mine and Patrick's trailer.

I walk in to find him in there. I don't know why he would wanna see me.

"Patrick just.."

"Shut up." He demands.

He pushes me against the wall, his lips go straight to mine. His tongue runs against my bottom lip, begging for an entrance inside. I open my mouth to allow his tongue and the action causes a slight moan to slip out. I kick my shoes off, and he does the same.

His mouth moves to my neck. Kissing, Gently sucking, and nibbling. His hand reaches up my shirt.

"Patrick"

He moves back up to my mouth.

I pull away this time.

"Patrick, I want you." I want him more than i've ever wanted a person or quite frankly, anything.

"I want you too." His hand rubs up my thigh. He kisses me again, this time with so much more passion.

"Paddy, Stop." Ugh! I wish I could do this clear minded. I'm getting the guy I want and oh so crave.

He pulls away and takes his hands off me. I give him a certain look, he knew exactly what it meant. He has a child, and a wife. No matter how much we want this, no matter how badly we crave each other, we cannot be selfish.

"I know what that look means." He sighs.

"Can you just lay with me in bed and hold me?" I look up staring in his beautiful blue eyes.

"Of course, i'd love nothing more." He smiles.

We get into bed and he does what he says. He puts his arms around me, just holding me. It's the best feeling in the world.

I turn around just to look at him.

"You're perfect." He says and then kissing me.

I return the kiss and just let him embrace me.