NCT IMAGINES

KUN

I'm bad with understanding honorifics so I didn't really put them in.

I'm the one who got left behind.

       He was my best friend. I was his best friend. But I saw him as much more than a best friend. And I'm not one to be oblivious. He saw me the same way.

       We were close when he was still in China, before he went to pursue his dream in Seoul. I was always with him, he cooked almost all of my meals and his parents had even started to consider me as family. But I was young. He was two years older than me and he had a dream to pursue.

       He hesitated. He told me he wasn't sure if it'd be worth it. He told me everything. From all of his doubts to his hesitation as to who would care for me. But I told him to go. That, even if not right now, it'll eventually all be worth it. And it was his dream. Of course I didn't want him to leave me. I loved him. And I really loved him. So I couldn't let him regret staying when he was close to his dream. He was already reaching his hands towards his goal, I wouldn't be the one to pull his arm back.

       So he left.

       But he called every day. I would be the one who  heard his cries. I would listen to his stories and his fears. I knew everything. He told me everything. Or so I thought.

       It was already 2018 and he was the only one who didn't have a song besides performing in Black on Black. He called me after his schedule and I heard his cries that broke my heart. He asked me,"Is it still worth it?" I didn't know what to say. It was his dream, it had to be worth it. But his cries left me speechless. I didn't know either. He cried himself to sleep that night. I could only say, "It's okay." But I didn't know if it was.

       It was hard and he struggled. I knew that he was doubtful. I knew he was afraid of what his life would turn out like. He was afraid his dream would become a nightmare. I could never respond when he spoke like that. I couldn't. I didn't have a right. I didn't have a dream. I didn't have a plan, nor did I know where I wanted to go.

       But when he called, all I knew was that I wanted to be with him. I missed him like crazy. He called every day. But every day turned to every week. Then every week turned to every month. It broke my heart, but I knew there had to be a reason.

       He called me again after a month and a half. I heard his voice and he told me. He was going to be debuting with a group. WayV. For the first time in a long time I didn't hear his cries. He was so happy. And I was so happy for him. In the midst of our happiness, he told me he loved me. So of course I had to say I loved him to. Because I did. I really did.  He told me that they would go to China for shows and promotions. I had hope that I would see him again.

       I had to see him. It was today that we were going to meet. After almost five years, I would see him again. I was excited, of course I was. But I was also nervous. The entire bus ride to the venue of their fanmeeting, I could hear my heartbeat. I had stayed up the entirety of last night after we talked about today to plan my outfit. After the fanmeeting, I would go meet them in the parking lot and we would go to a cafe where a private room was reserved.

       This also meant I would be meeting his members. Thoughts ran through my mind of what they were like. Of course, I watched plenty of videos to show me their personalities, but you never knew what happened behind the camera. Kun assured me that they were good people when I told him this, though. But that didn't stop the anxiety rising in me.

       I had finally arrived a few minutes from the venue. I got off the bus and started walking. Without noticing, I had sped up and when I realized, I slowed my pace a bit. I felt impatient. I guess five years will do that to you. 

       I entered the line outside of the venue and waited for about fifteen minutes. The line started moving and soon enough, I was inside and surrounded by fans and fansites. I couldn't help but fiddle with my fingers as we were waiting. After an introduction and a little speech from the members, it was time for them to actually meet the fans.

       It was my turn. And from what I saw, Kun was on the other side of the table, he would be the last one I met. So it was time for me to meet his members and speak to them for the first time. I was hoping for a good first impression. I had their debut single album and I brought it up to the first member I would be meeting, Ten. 

       I walked up and gave him my album. He stared at me for a bit, squinting his eyes before asking me,"Have I seen you before?" I was a bit speechless. "Oh, no I've never met you guys in person before. Except for Kun." Ten seemed to think before responding,"Can I have your name?"

       He opened the album and had started to sign. "Oh, it's Y/N." He finished signing and raised his eyebrow. "You're Kun's friend, huh?"

       "Yeah. He told you guys about me?"

      "Yeah, he said we'll be meeting with you today."

       "Oh," I said quietly as he handed the album back. "But besides today, he talks about you a lot." I looked at Ten in surprise. I couldn't hold back my small smile and he nodded as the staff said it was time to move on.

       One member down, 6 more to go before Kun. All the members were similar to Ten in recognizing me. Kun must've showed them my picture then. I introduced myself to all of them and as I was finishing up with Lucas, I noticed Kun staring already. "Guess you should move on, he look impatient," Lucas teased. Kun rolled his eyes and I moved in front of him.

       I stared up at his eyes that I loved so much and I felt like I was going to cry. All I could let out was a breathy, "Hi." He responded the same way. He signed the album quickly and held my hands. I could feel how warm his hands were as he stared down at me. I saw his eyes start to water as well and before I knew it, the staff was saying to move.

       Before I left, he asked,"Do you know where to go?" I shook my head. He looked to the side at one of the security and he said,"When fans start to leave, tell him your name and he'll lead you to one of our cars. We're taking two so you can come ride with me." I nodded and then I had to leave for the next fan. 

       As the event ended and fans started leaving, I looked for the guy Kun pointed out to me earlier. Once I spotted the security guy, I walked up and told him who I was. He nodded and told me to wait a bit. After most fans were outside and other security could handle things on their own, he led me to the cars. He opened it and I saw Kun.

       This time, with no barriers, I couldn't help myself. He started to step out but I launched myself into his arms. I hugged him and I could feel myself wanting to cry. I felt so many emotions in me at once. I didn't want to let go. After five years, I didn't feel like a part of me was missing. Kun caressed the side of my head and I felt him place a kiss o the top of my head. I knew I should let go.

       So I placed my palms on his chest with the tips of my fingers at his collarbone, which I could feel through his shirt, and I gently pushed him. "I missed you," I said. "I missed you too. So much, I love you," He held my face gingerly, like if he wasn't careful, I would break. But today, I didn't feel like breaking. Today I felt like I could do anything, because today I have my everything.