Because the Night

bad news

Lily woke up half in a dream, which I won't repeat here, in case you're reading with someone peering over your shoulder. Instead, I'll say this: She woke up with a mission. 

Lily had to tell Diego something. She wasn't sure if thank you was exactly it, though. She was thankful for the suite, of course she was thankful. She fell asleep instantly on this bed, which was less a bed, and more a collection of sweet dreams compressed into a mattress. 

But she was angry, too, for bringing her so close to his body, his mouth, only to send her reeling back into the wilderness of solitude. 

She sat up in bed and thought for a while, finding the exact word for what she was feeling. 

If she closed her eyes, and took away the words, she could say exactly what it was. 

Imagine you're in a dimly lit bar. The person across from you is the person you dream of when you close your eyes. You do not have anything left to say to him, except the one thing that remains unsaid, and that one thing is a kiss. 

That is what she wanted to tell Diego.

Moments like these, moments that she needed to sort out massive progressions of the spirit and soul, Lily wished she were still in college. She'd text Ramona, and next thing she knew, Ramona would be in her bed, asking her details. "He got you a suite? Of course he likes you," Ramona of her imagination would say.

Ramona of the Real World would not say anything to Lily at all. Ramona of the Real World was dating Colin, Lily's ex. The sad thing is, Lily would be happy to choose Ramona over Colin in the break-up. She could get over the loss of Colin more easily than the loss of Lily. But apparently, Colin, Lily's college boyfriend, laid down the rules he was "comfortable with," and of course Ramona had to follow those rules. Colin wasn't comfortable with Lily being in his orbit any longer. 

And so, in this moment of skull-shattering heart-pangs, Lily was along. She sat up. She was going to run toward the direction of Diego until he a) accepted her presence, b) gently but firmly shooed her away, or c) revealed himself to be a figment of the imagination, designed to drive her mad.  

Lily put on the dress, once again, and had breakfast with her mom. Croissants for her mom, who was eating more carbs than Lily had ever seen before. Yogurt and a waffle for Lily, made by a young man who probably knew Diego. That's all Lily could think as she watched the young man pour the batter: Do you sit around the campfire and talk about the girls you have crushes on? And if so, who? 

Instead, she ate the waffle, and she and her mom walked to tango class. 

She saw Diego, and she gave herself a message. Well, she gave her body a message: Don't give away a single thing. So she let him put his large arms around her. She let him hold her up, and feel supported. And she refused to melt into his arms.

Apparently, that was a good thing.  

"You're doing well," he said, during a break midway through class. They'd just been working on moves. "Have you worked on your posture?" 

"No," she said. "Just my fashion." 

He smiled. She wilted. "It's a good look on you." 

"Well, I hear you're the person to talk to if you want good looks. And by that I mean, good dresses." 

"Not that I wear any myself," he said. 

She shrugged. "You'd be a cute girl. But tall," she said. 

"Thanks? I guess?" 

"Take the compliment," she said. "It's the last I'm going to give to you."

"Funny, considering how nice I just was to you," he said. "I was admiring your posture."

"Oh, that's not posture. That's me standing up straight. Don't want to lean too far into you and make you uncomfortable," she said, with a hint of venom. "You made how you feel about me pretty clear the other day."

"By securing you a presidential suite? Yeah, I know." 

"No, by—come on, you know what." 

"No," he said. "I don't know what." He stood up from where he was sitting on the speaker, and addressed the classroom. "We're starting back up in a minute. Get ready to spin."

She stared at him. "Don't make me repeat it. I can't relive what you did again," she said. "I pretty much have hives from the rejection."

"Nothing I did in the woods has to do with how I feel about you, Lily," he said. 

"Sure," she said, sarcastically. Which he refused to upset.  

"Exactly," he said. "You get it. Sure. It doesn't have to do with you." 

If Diego knew how handsome he was, then he would do her the kindness of sitting down and speaking to her with his head through a paper bag. Instead, he insisted on standing up, so that she was staring at his chest, which was wider than her shoulders. Now, she felt like she had to sit down. Instead, she leaned on the speaker system, which apparently wasn't allowed in his universe.

"Get off of that," he said. 

"Not until you tell me what's going on," she said. "I'm not going to dance with someone who doesn't want to touch me." 

Annabelle looked away from her conversation with Tex to try and read the icy silence between her daughter and Diego. They were speaking with the rhythm of people who actually knew each other, and had a reason to be terse. 

"Lily," he said, sternly. 

"That's not a way to end a conversation."

"Fine. Dance with me now, and we'll talk after." 

"You're saying that because you know I"ll have to get dinner with my mom after this," she said. "Good try." 

"No. Fine. Maybe," he said. 

"So tell me now," she said. 

By then, the whole class was looking at them. "Look at what you did," he said, "Turning us into a bunch of celebrities. Look. Here's the thing." 

He turned on the music, so the distinct din of a tango song drowned out what he was about to say. "I'll tell you after class. But you need to know this. I'm bad news," he said. 

"Well," she said. "A life without news is boring." 

"Be careful what you wish for when you wish for a life that's not boring," he said. "You might find that an interesting life is overrated." 

She rolled her eyes. Old man, she thought. He had no idea who she was. She had no idea that she was hooked the minute she walked into the room. 

After they'd pressed against each other for another hour, after she'd listened to instructions that his mouth gave and his body taught her, she knew she had no choice but to stay. Annabelle waved, and walked to get dinner with Tex. 

When he was done putting away his instructions, he looked at her with his dark, concentrated eyes. "Whatever you think is going to happen," he said, "Most certainly is not."

"Sure," she said. 

"I'm not going to rope you into this," he said. "Because it is like a rope. You'll need to use it to crawl your way back out into the real world." 

She nodded. "Fine." 

This guy was out of his mind. She couldn't look away. 

"What I'm going to tell you is unusual." 

"Just tell me already," she said. 

"You asked," he said, shaking his head. "Just remember that, when you're gossiping about me to your friends. Let's going on a walk. It'll be easier for me to show you, that way. Follow me." 

And she was scared, because she would'v kept following him, no matter where he went.