Ruel Imagines // paused

•biological or not•

YOUR POV

Life was tough. And when I was a teenager I thought life was hard. Well, try being twenty nine and not been able to get pregnant. Horrible.

Ruel and I's story dates back to when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. We dated for two years and a half, beautiful years, but when I was eighteen I moved back to my native country (where I was born and lived until I was eleven) as I had to start college and it was there the only place my parents could afford it. It was not such a bad change since Ruel's career grew bigger and I didn't believe I could take it. But that didn't stop me from looking for Ruel when I moved back to Sydney four years later, thanks to a scholarship to finish my last year of studies there. But I had to wait for him for six months or more as he was on this massive world tour. As soon as I moved back, I got in touch with Coco, Ruel's sister, to let her know I was back and that I wanted to meet her (what? Ruel was not the only one I missed). When Ruel came back, Coco set us up: she told me to meet her at a cafe and asked Ruel to pick her up there. It was the perfect reunion. Our relationship slowly transformed to what it used to be and we officially started dating again when I was twenty three and he was twenty five. As soon as we got back together, Ruel decided he needed to stop. He was tired of going and coming. He said, and I quote, 'I need to settle down, I want to start a family, you know? I might even consider go to college. Nah, who am I kidding? I hate studying.' Still he never stopped making music, he became a producer and songwriter.

As each year went by, Ruel and I's relationship became stronger. When Ruel turned thirty, the idea of starting a family between us arose. Whenever I ovulated we tried and get pregnant, for like a year. But it never worked so, I told Ruel we should take a fertility test. He didn't want to and tried with vague arguments to convince me that it wasn't necessary, but I always win discussions.

Since I am a nurse in the clinic we took our test, when the results were ready, the doctor told me to call Ruel so as he could talk to us about them. Still in my uniform and Ruel tired of a long day at work, we entered the doctor's office. I was nervous as fuck and Ruel's tranquility made it harder for me, was I exaggerating? "So, Y/N, Ruel, unfortunately. I have bad news." My hand, intertwined with Ruel's hand on my lap, tightened. "I'll try to be as clear as possible. Ruel's sperm is slow and your uterus, Y/N, basically, kills the few ones that get there. You can keep on trying to get pregnant but the chances of it happening are low. There exists a lot of new opportunities to have a family. You can try a surrogate mother or artificial insemination and there's always the possibility of adoption." After the speech, my mind went blank.

I wasn't crying or sobbing, my eyes not even watered, I was just shocked. I never thought I could be a good mother as I never loved kids that much or knew what to do when they were around. But the moment I explained Ruel my indifference to kids he convinced me that I would be a great mother. He said that I am always there for people, that I am a nurse so I have this natural caring for others and that I could always help our kids with homework because I'm the intelligent one in the relationship. For weeks he highlighted whenever I did something he thought it was mother material. And so, I joined him, our family plan began. But he never considered infertility as a problem. Instead, after seven months of trying and not been able, I did.

We walked out of the doctor's office with our hands still intertwined, our thoughts messed up and no words to say. We hopped in the car and I drove us home. "Is it pasta ok for dinner?" I asked him as soon as we entered our house. He just nodded and walked to our bedroom. The fertility matters had hit Ruel harder than me, so I delegated cooking dinner to me.

Before that, I took a shower. It was that type of shower in which you just contemplate everything revolving you. I didn't even cry about the fact I could not get pregnant. My mind couldn't stop thinking about adopting a kid and save him or her from the pain of never having a mother or a father, a whole family to support them. I wouldn't accept getting a surrogate mother, seeing another woman carrying my baby because of the monetary reward would only make it worse. Neither was I wishing to create an artificial baby. Don't get me wrong, I don't think being a surrogate mother or getting artificial insemination is incorrect, I just wanted to be naturally pregnant or adopt a kid. I hoped Ruel could understand that.

I walked back to our room after my shower. Ruel was sitting on the edge of our bed looking out the window, like a depressed teenage movie boy. I got dressed so as I didn't talk to him naked. I sat next to him but he was out of this world, lost inside his thoughts, he didn't even notice my presence until I grabbed his hand. He turned around and our gazes connected. I drew circles on his hand with my thumb as his eyes slowly watered. "I'm sorry, so sorry." His voice cracked and tears made their way down his cheeks breaking my heart.

"About what, babe?" As his crying got harder I moved my hand to his back and pushed him gently so as his head rested in my lap.

"I'm sorry I cannot get you pregnant." He was sobbing and my hands played with his hair and run along his back caressing him.

I waited to speak a few long minutes till Ruel calmed down. I asked him to sit back straight so I could look at him while I spoke. "Ruel, the fact that we cannot get pregnant it's not your or my fault. We were born naturally like this, ok? And maybe the pregnancy thing it's meant to be. Maybe I shouldn't get pregnant, who knows? So do not blame yourself for this, alright?" I cupped his face with both hands and cleaned the tears that fell. "I thought about this in the shower and I really hope you can support my decision." I stopped for a second to think about how to put the words together. "Ruel, I want to form a family with you, whether it's biologically ours or not. I know that we can build an amazing family avoiding the whole pregnancy part. I want to consider adoption." I stared at him insecure about his reaction but, since what I said did not disturb him, I continued. "I just can't stand the idea of a surrogate mother or artificial insemination. Think about it like this: a kid without a family to look out for him or her and us available to do anything for them and give them our love. We will be great parents, I know that for sure. I just hope you can understand that I believe adoption is the best option." I was scared of Ruel's reaction to my decision. Maybe after telling him that he would leave me and look for someone who could actually get pregnant of his slow sperm.

The room submerged in a thick silence, a deafening silence. My hand played with his fingers as I wished I never told him that. My heart broke as my mind drowned in harmful thoughts. 'He is going to leave you.' 'He does not want you anymore now that you cannot get pregnant.' 'He will fuck someone else and get her pregnant.' My eyes watered and I stood up because I couldn't take the silence anymore. "I'm going to cook dinner." And I left looking at Ruel but his eyes were lost somewhere out the window.

I walked to the kitchen and cleaned my face. I didn't cry over infertility I was not going to cry about Ruel's reaction either. I distracted myself preparing dinner and listening to music for about fifteen minutes when I felt two strong arms wrap around my hips. I continued stirring the sauce as if nothing was happening, even though I loved it when he hugged me from behind surprising me. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I'm still processing what's happening." He voice sounded groggy because of crying and his palms were caressing my hips and belly. I turned off the stove and poured the sauce on the plates. As soon as I had put the pan down Ruel's hand turned me around. "There is nothing I want more in this life than having a family with you." His hands still held me tightly. "You don't really notice, but you are the sweetest with kids, you are extremely patient, you always listen to them (even if what they are saying makes no sense) and you always come up with ideas for their entertainment. All of our nieces and nephews love you. And, since pregnancy is not an option, I'm fine with adoption. You are right, I want to form a family whether it's biological or not." He was smiling from ear to ear and my whole world lit up again.

"I love you so fucking much." I hugged him tightly wishing we could stay in that moment forever.

"I love you, too." He kissed my head multiple times. "Now, let's have dinner and go to bead because tomorrow a long day is waiting for us, we have to start with the paperwork, baby." He was going to be the greatest dad ever.

~~~

1707 words
I've been feeling insecure about my writing, so it's taking me long to write these and post them
This is low-key based on Chandler and Monica's story (hope I'm not spoiling you)
Might do a part 2
I hope you liked it
Thank you for reading