Millisecond Bliss

8. Thesis On Existence

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage; and then is heard no more. It's a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. ~ Macbeth, William Shakespeare

Life is pointless. Objectively, our existence as human beings is a result of mutations, natural selection and evolution, so why exactly do we act like our ability to take cognizance of our lives is nothing more than an evolutionary advantage? I know, I know, I sound like I'm sinking into a pool of depression, but honestly, I'm not. I'm just looking at the facts of life, bare of the frills of religious affiliations and spiritual notions. We are born, we learn, we explore, we work and then maybe bring more life into the world. Because this line of existence would otherwise seem too boring, we attach these pivotal moments of life with meaning.

And no, I didn't forget about love. Sure, some of us love, whether it be romantic or platonic, a fair amount of humans do experience love and even if this feeling is beautiful it still doesn't make life meaningful.

Epicureanism was a Greek philosophy which argued that pleasure was the chief good in life. Founded by the philosopher Epicurus, the philosophy believed that good could only truly be obtained through living a modest life free of fear. I find this philosophy questionable for two main reasons, firstly because people who followed it chased after true pleasure which to me doesn't seem like a fruitful chase. Think about it, pleasure is a thing that exists but its temporary, you can be happy one day and then sad the next, viewing pleasure as the ultimate goal of existence seems unattainable to me as the chase for pleasure is perpetual as a direct consequence of the life's inability to remain stagnant for long periods of time.

Secondly, the fact that pleasure can come about from the absence of fear baffles me. Personally, I have nothing against fear, don't get me wrong, I don't exactly love it but I don't think we can happy without it.

I remember the first time I kissed Jared. We'd been listening to Queen. He knew all the words to 'Somebody to Love' so had been singing dramatically along to the song. I remember laughing at his far from accurate Freddie Mercury impression. Honestly, I don't know what caused it but I noticed a shift in the atmosphere. Suddenly, I had the urge to kiss him. The thought terrified me and seeing him notice that I was staring at his lips only elevated my fear. He stopped singing. I leaned in and gently kissed him. I drew back, unsure of how to proceed. He didn't say anything after the kiss but as I subtly looked up at him, I saw that he was smiling. And in that moment, I felt infinite.

The fear of him not liking me in the way I wanted him to made that kiss going well that much more exhilarating. I think fear amplifies emotion and makes life worth living.

I still think life is pointless. Happiness isn't permanent, love isn't for everyone, human existence is a series of mistakes and Epicurus was wrong about life, like so many other philosophers. But then again, what's the alternative, the unknown? Life may have no point and human beings may exaggerate the importance of our existence a lot but honestly, although it may not sound like it, I don't hate life.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" asks Felicity, taking a seat beside me.

"I'm confused, a little happy and maybe a little frustrated," I sigh, "I don't know honestly."

Felicity takes notice of the piece of paper I'm holding. "Find anything interesting?" she asks, gesturing toward the paper.

I hand it to her. "How classically morbid," she comments after skimming over the contents of the note.

"I know, I know but regardless of how dreary the quote is, it still holds a lot of water, even to this day."

"So, while I've been in the ladies' room, you've been mulling over 16th century literature?" she questions as she takes a seat beside me.