Beautifully Scarred

Chapter 80

ΩθθΩ women have some desires that only trust can reveal-jeff hood ΩθθΩ
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Bells
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"How are you feeling, Miss Green?" Dr. Kennedy asks.

"Good," I answer simply.

She lifts her gaze to mine, raising a brow.

"Try again," Dr. Kennedy's voice is smooth and calm. "This time try not to lie."

I've been doing these therapy sessions now for two months. To be honest, I do think they're helping. I'm so ready to have my life back to normal. For Oscar and me to be normal again.
Mia had actually come up with this idea. I had confided in Mia that I wasn't ready to be intimate with Oscar and she thought that it might help to talk to someone outside the family. Get some real help. I hadn't liked the idea at first but I trusted Mia.
I trusted that Mia would only suggest it if she thought it might really be worth some thing.
When I say nothing, Dr. Kennedy asks me something else.

"How have things gone with Oscar, lately?" She asks.

Oscar? I grin.

"He's been so wonderful lately. Well, ever since that first date night. He takes me out. We see movies. Go to these ridiculously expensive dinners. The other night we went out to a dance club with all of our friends. He's been so wonderful..." I sigh then. "But once we get home, he puts so much distance between us. If I bump into him in the hallway, he backs away. He'll hold me, for a while before we sleep but after a while, it's like he tries to get as far away as possible."

Dr. Kennedy jots down some notes. Nodding her head ever so slightly. Then with her index finger she pushes her glasses back up the bridge of her long nose.

"Do you think that, perhaps, your young man needs distance from you because...he might be trying to control himself?"

I roll my eyes. "He told me that as far as sexual stuff, he was fine with it, us taking time. I assumed that it would difficult for him, sure, but I don't think that is what all this is about."

She straightens up. "What do you think it is then?"

I bite my lip. "Well, I worry that maybe he...finds me less...ya know...? That maybe now that someone else has been inside me... That I'm somehow ruined now."

Dr. Kennedy sits her note pad to her side table. Her arms cross over her chest.

"Arabella," she says in that calm voice. "We've gone over this. You know that because of what happened you are going to feel some self doubt. But that doesn't make you, in anyway, less worthy. You are not ruined. You deserve love and respect."

I blink at her. Knowing that she is right. I take a deep breath, wrapping my arms around myself.

"And," she goes on. "I think that your young man is trying his best to give you just that, love and respect. Men feel things differently than women do. You know that. Most don't love easily but that doesn't mean that once they do fall, it's not just as intense. I bet that he wants to allow you the distance he thinks you want."

My head titles to one side. "So, he pushes me away because he thinks it's what I want?"

She shrugs. "Perhaps? Have you talked to him?"

"Not really. Not about sex, anymore than that one time. He keeps us too busy and then when we do have down time, he takes off. Working out with Pauly. He goes in the evenings to play video games with Seth. Sometimes he even goes up to the main house to be with Lex. Leaving me alone for 'time' he says."

"Do you think that, maybe it's not you that he thinks needs 'time alone', that maybe he is the one needing space from you?"

I blink. "Maybe." I admit. "But what have I do so wrong that he doesn't want to be spending any alone time with me?"