I Will go down with this ship

The beginning

June and July 2010

This is my story so of course it will be from my point of view. I auditioned for the x-factor with big dreams. I was gonna be the Irish Justin Bieber! Don't judge me, I was only 16 years old. My audition didn't go that well, to be honest. Simon said that I came unprepared and had chosen the wrong song but they put me through nevertheless. I was beyond excited.

July 22-24, 2010, Bootcamp

I met Harry and Louis backstage for the first time. I thought they knew each other already because they were really friendly with each other. I remember that they told me that they met once before when they were both in a competition called The Battle of The Bands. They had also gone through to the next round.

At Bootcamp they made us practice a dance routine that we, later on, had to perform in front of the judges. I mean, I can't dance for shit but I at least tried, you know? Harry, Louis,  and I did our best but we had a lot of fun practicing. Louis was really funny and goofy and he made Harry laugh out loud all the time, which only encouraged him. This was the first time I noticed Zayn, mainly because he refused to dance at first until Simon came and got him.

After one more performance which went a lot better for me we all got up on stage so the judges could call out the ones who got through to the judge's house. I was so fucking nervous! There was nothing else I wanted in my life! As I heard name after name being called my heart sank lower and lower in my chest. I noticed a boy a couple of steps beside me almost crying. He looked so devastated each time his name wasn't called. I knew his name was Liam. He was a really good singer.

I didn't go through to the next round and I was truly heartbroken. I started to cry as soon as I got backstage. I saw that Liam also was crying and so was Harry. Louis was hugging him in an effort to comfort him.

We were all about to leave when we were called back. Me, Harry, Louis, Liam, and Zayn were asked to go back on stage. We had no idea what was going on. Simon told us that we were all good but not good enough separately and he wanted to put us together in a boyband. I couldn't believe it! I could totally do boyband! Liam was the one who wanted to think things through but he quickly agreed. Louis jumped in Harry's arms and wrapped his legs around him. I mean, I was happy as hell but I went with a group hug. I barely knew the guys I was just put in a band with. Apparently, that didn't apply to Louis and Harry but I didn't give it much thought. I was just freaking happy, you know?

"Guys, guys, this is a lifeline. You got to work ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day, every single day, and take this opportunity. You got a real shot here guys." Simon said and we all listened attentively.

I decided then and there to do my absolute best. Neither of us could even start to comprehend where this would take us. I know I had big dreams as a teen. I wanted to play in all the big arenas around the world but I couldn't in my wildest dreams even imagine that it was about to happen. Being put in the band is the best thing that ever happened to me but great things usually come with a high price and for some of us that price would be even higher.

We gathered backstage. We were a bit shy, especially Zayn. We had to come up with a name for the group. We gave one silly suggestion after another to Liam's dismay (mostly Louis' silly suggestions) until Harry came up with the name One Direction. It would sound good being said by the X Factor live shows announcer so we all agreed.

We did a few interviews and it felt weird at first. Louis and Harry were comfortable though, or should I say at least with each other. We still had our number tags on and they were sitting there cuddling, Harry leaned against Louis' chest. The rest of us were a little more guarded around each other.

Judges houses

All of a sudden we were in Marbella in Spain. Neither of us had been anywhere without our families before. We were five excited teenagers who got to share a room with bunk beds. Louis was the oldest of us with his 18 years of age and we all looked up to him. He was loud and funny and bossy. Liam took it most seriously and was stressed out all the time. I think he wanted it the most even if all of us shared the same dream. Zayn was shy and unobtrusive and Harry was just this sweet, kind boy with a dimpled smile.

I could see that Harry and Louis got along very well. They spent every chance they got together in Louis' bunkbed, just talking, whispering, and giggling. They were cute but I didn't think much of it.

It was Louis who convince the staff that we could spend a morning at the beach. It was also Louis who managed to step on a sea urchin and injured his foot and had to go to the hospital. We practiced our song without him. I remember that Harry was worried out of his mind. We were all worried because the song wasn't working without Louis but Harry was on a whole other level.
"The clock is ticking and it's getting closer and closer to our performance, so we're really just waiting around, hoping that he turns up."

We were all relieved when Louis finally showed up. We all ran out to hug him and Harry was the first one to reach him. Louis seemed as happy to see him as Harry was. We were just glad that he was okay. We carried him inside and waited for our turn to perform.

We sang Torn and it was Liam and Harry who sang most of it while the rest of us sang in the back. I was okay with that. I just wanted us to get through. I noticed that someone had turned down mine and Louis' mics. We were barely heard. I didn't ponder over it. Maybe it was just a glitch you know?

We were all so freaking nervous when it was time for Simon to make a decision.
"My head is saying this is a risk, and my heart is saying you deserve a shot, and that's why it's been difficult. Guys, I've made a decision. I've gone with my heart. You're through."

We screamed and jumped around and hugged each other. Harry ran to give Simon a hug and I was second in line.  Simon was at that point our idol, our savor. Boy, were we wrong!