Under The Cover of Darkness

-chapter 7-~reconstructing~

I tried not to let my eyebrows knit and display my feelings. I wasn't supposed to be having any anyway, but I was.
Amanda turned around from the doorway and I gazed into the dark brown irises of Brighton.
He stood there in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his pants, looking at me with wide eyes. "Hi, uh... do you mind if we... well I was looking for you, and... can we talk somewhere?"
He wanted to talk to me? Younger Danny would've squealed and jumped right into his arms, and opted to forget that the rejection had ever happened. But what about older Danny?
The room was completely silent, which I only noticed once I cut off my eye contact with Brighton. I sucked in a large breath. Charlie and Amanda were looking between Brighton and I, while Henry seemed to be fixated on Brighton. My friends were worried for me, they knew who he was to me even when my own pack didn't know.
I shrugged, "Sure, let's talk." I said. What did I have to lose? I did deserve an explanation, and I wasn't about to let my anger get in the way of that.
Brighton side stepped the doorway as I stepped through it. He seemed surprised I followed him so easily, as he hesitated before leading me outside under the setting sun and between the rows of trees leading off in every direction. We walked into the forest until we came upon a stone bench, which had stood there for long enough for green moss to grow on its sides and dirt to get stuck in the patterns on the seat.
We took a seat, neither of us had spoken since leaving the room. I didn't feel I needed to initiate anything. I was rather curious to where he would take this, and i figured i could lay into him after that.
"Danny, I-I'm sorry." his voice was wobbly and uncertain.
I raised an eyebrow and looked over at him. I opted not to speak.
He met my eyes for a moment and then directed them to his hands, but shifted his body to face me further. "This whole mate thing, I- I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, looking back I can't believe I did that. I don't even know what I was thinking, rejecting you. I didn't give any of it a chance, it's all my fault that we're not together. I guess I didn't think mates would be that important to me, but seeing you now... I want to be your mate, Danny. Will you give me another chance?"
Ignoring the way my heart clenched, hearing the words I'd only heard in my head for years, I finally spoke, "I've wanted to hear you say that for a long time," I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. His eyes lit up as he searched my face. "But you know, I never could figure out why you rejected me." I faced him. My mouth was set in a hard line but the corners of my eyes couldn't stop from collecting liquid at the brims.
His mouth kind of opened and closed as he didn't quite know what to say at first, "I don't know, I was too young and I was stupid, Danny. It was a mistake, I'm so sorry-"
I shook my head, "I wondered for years, Brighton. I tried but I couldn't really come up with anything real, you know? It was just these crazy thoughts of not being good enough for you. But how crazy is that, right? I mean mates are supposed to be equal in every way. I mean, I believed in mates so much, that I never would've thought that mine wouldn't accept me for something so meaningless as my physical appearance."
His eyes widened and his jaw momentarily opened wide, "Wha- Danny, no-"
I looked him dead in the eye, "Brighton."
"Danny, I-"
I shook my head, "Please stop. You took one look at me four years ago and rejected me like it was so easy. And now, you decide you want me? And you want me to believe that it has nothing to do with the fact that I've slimmed down?" I shook my head at him, "You had four years worth of opportunities to track me down and regret your decision but you didn't." I couldn't stop the tear that rolled down my cheek, but I didn't care. I knit my fingers together in my lap and watched as the drop reached the fabric of my pants.
"I know." He said quietly. "You're right, I should've reached out."
I scoffed. "You were too busy with Allison or whoever else." I said quietly, making him wince. I faced him again, for the final time. "I want you to know that back then, I would've done anything to be your mate," another tear rolled down my face, "I just wanted what they all said a mate was supposed to be like. I mean how could you not? The way any mate looks at the other, how could you not want that?" I smiled sadly, "But Brighton, I realized, that more than that, what I want- what I need is unconditional love." Another tear followed closely by another, "I thought that that was what mates were for, I thought they were guaranteed to love you no matter what, but you know what? I don't mind what happened anymore." I paused to stifle a sob, "I've learned that unconditional love can come from anywhere. And I'm glad for that, because thats what I need. So," I rose from the bench, still facing him. He looked guilt and grief stricken all at once, but I didn't feel an ounce of guilt, "Thank you for your apology, it actually means a lot, but I can't be your mate. Not anymore."
We held each other's eyes as I felt my face crumple after the feeling of my heart caving in on itself.
His eyes stayed wide but he looked lost, and at a loss of words, so I said, "Goodbye Brighton." and retreated down the path in the direction from which we'd come.
I was only a few steps away from the bench when his voice sounded, "Danny, wait!"
I turned around, irritated that I couldn't go cry in peace. "What, Brighton?" My voice came out gravely and deeper than usual.
"I'm so sorry." I was immediately stricken by the sincerity in his eyes and on his face as it sagged in sadness. "For everything."
I nodded my head, "I-I know. I'm alright now."
He took another step towards me, "But Danny, I'm not. I need you. I know I've messed everything up between us, and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I can't not try to earn it. I'm going to fix everything I've done, you'll see." he stated in a frantic voice.
I shook my head and turned around once again, having run out of things to say. This conversation could only go down hill from here.
My temper was beginning to flare as I felt my hope rise up against my will. I couldn't allow him to crush me again. I couldn't give him that power.
I took my arms which had subconsciously wrapped around my body and felt them tense and fist at my sides. I stormed towards the pack house but decided I couldn't return yet for fear of seeing anybody. I needed to be alone.
I hated it when people saw me cry. Even my close friends.
I approached a large tree with a thick trunk that was far away from the path Brighton would be walking on. I expected him give me some space now. I felt my closed fist pound the bark of the tree, splitting the skin across my knuckles without feeling it. All I could feel was overwhelming anger and frustration storming in my mind, making me feel powerless in my own body.
My fingers tugged at my roots as I slid down the side of the tree to rest against that of the tree.
I buried my face in my knees.
Why was I feeling any hope at all? I hated myself for it. Brighton didn't care about us, not really. He was shallow and still is. He thinks with his dick and only looks out for himself. I don't want him as my mate.
I hate myself because I do. Younger Danny is crawling her way back into my heart and telling me to do whatever it takes to gain his attention and affection.
I want to, so bad.
There's still a part of my heart that wants him to love me.
Maybe then I would feel like enough.
But I can't even be mad at Brighton. I am, in this moment, but even now I know that I can only really be mad at myself. It was me who gave him all the power in the world to make me feel worthless.
I'm not worthless. And I am loved, by my family and by Amanda and Charlie and-
Think of the devil.
I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder which shook with my ragged breathing.
"Hey, it's alright, you're alright. I'm here."
I raised my face from my knees and, there, through my ready blurred vision, crouched down before me with sad green eyes was Henry.