Not Frightened Enough

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The next few weeks went by fairly quickly. I spent most of my time travelling, bringing food and supplies to the towns of Nottingham. I took Robin with me most of the time, but it wasn’t of my own accord. John thought it would be good for him to get used to being one of us. But, I thought, he wasn’t. He was a lord playing at being an outlaw. He was a hero, having spent so much time in the Holy Land, fighting for King Richard in the Crusades. I did not feel like he understood what being one of us really meant. We weren’t heroes, not really. We were there in silence, doing what we could, but we were anonymous. No one would write songs or tales about us. History would forget my name, and when I died, I would become nothing but dust.

That was never what I was born for. I was born to be a way for my family to make treaties. King Richard would have sold me off to the highest bidder to keep peace in England if he had to. If not him, then my brother would have later. It was late at night that I thought about my brother. We had been so close before they separated us. I wondered if he was still alive. He was King Richard’s heir, but I knew Prince John, the man leading the country while the king was away, did not like it. He wanted to rule. Would he send someone to kill my brother? I stared up at the roof, biting my lip as these thoughts rushed through my head.  But that wasn’t who I was anymore. I wasn’t Scarlett of Brittany anymore. The girl I once was was dead, replaced by a woman who was waiting to get her revenge. I was a woman who knew exactly who was responsible for her misery and was patiently waiting for the chance to make him pay.

After three or four weeks, (it was hard to tell how much time had passed in the forest sometimes) it felt like Robin had always been there. He spent most of his time during the day hunting. On the nights that I woke up gasping and clutching my arm, he was awake, sitting by the cold firepit. When I came to sit with him, he didn’t ask me any more questions. I wasn’t sure if he had given up, or was just waiting, or just being respectful for now. But we sat there in silence for the most part, as false dawn gave way to the sunrise. The warmth of the sun took away the last of the shivers from my nightmares. I did not ask what he saw in his dreams, and he left mine alone as well. In some ways, we were kindred spirits. It was at that time, just before the sun peeked out over the horizon, that I was tempted to tell him who I was. We had more in common than he knew. I fought a war too, just of a very different sort.

In part, I didn’t regret getting caught for stealing. Being with the menfolk seemed to be more my speed than watching the young ones. I did miss Fanny, but I didn’t miss ‘womanly’ duties. Now I spent more time using my bow and stealing from anyone stupid enough to ride through Sherwood forest with a full purse. By the time I was fourteen, I had stolen from lords, ladies, and merchants, and given their goods to people who thought I was just like them. The only thing I kept for myself was a lovely red cloak that I took a liking to. I still wore it years later.

Sometimes I dreamt about the past. Sometimes they were nightmares, ones that filled me with terror and woke me up with wet cheeks and burning forearms, as if it had been only yesterday., but more often, I remembered my first meeting with Robin of Locksley. I remembered that young man, still innocent of the ways of the world, though less so than I was. I dreamt of him, and of my brother. I’d wake up in my little hut, confused. I felt like I was still there, still in the garden, playing with my brother, holding a crown of flowers. But it always faded quickly. I remembered that that life was gone. Sometimes tears would fill my eyes, but as I got older, I would shake off the feeling of nostalgia and get to my feet, saying to myself, “Time to work.”

The next time I went to Locksley, things were different. People were quieter as I walked into the town. People did not rush up to me to get their food as they always had. “Something’s wrong,” I murmured to the hooded man behind me. “Keep your hood up, Robin.” Normally he would have argued, but I think he felt it too. Something was wrong, and we could feel it in the air. We walked through the village quietly, until I saw one of the elders. “Matthew, what has happened?” I asked quietly.

“The Sheriffs men have been here,” he answered, bending down slightly to talk to me so no one else could hear. “They wanted to know if we had seen Robin, our Lord. When no one had, they beat Andrew half to death, to try and get us to give them something. But none of us knows anything! Mrs. Miller is taking care of Andrew, but she is not sure if he will live. They took some of our crops too, as a reminder that we are not masters of our own lives, as if we did not know already. We were barely getting by as it was. Now some of us may starve over the winter.”

I cursed the sheriff in my mind, more than I already did on a daily basis. Before I could answer, Robin did. “We will see that none of your people starve.”  Matthew had to look up at Robin. He was half a foot taller than I was, and still a few inches taller than Matthew.  Matthew tried to look at the taller man, but Robin kept his face hidden.

“Who are you, stranger? You’ve come with Miss Scarlett before, but I have never heard your name.”

I looked around, but there was no one close enough to see, and I pulled back Robin’s hood. Matthew gasped, and I was sure if I had not put a hand on his arm he would have sunk to his knees. “M-my Lord,” he said just above a whisper.

“Matthew, you cannot tell anyone, do you understand? We do not want people to have to lie to the Sheriff’s men. The punishment would be even greater than they have already suffered. Robin is right. We will not let them starve, I promise you that. And the Sheriff will pay for what his men did to Andrew.”

Robin nodded and pulled his hood up. “How often do the sheriff’s men come around?” he asked quietly.

“Not often,” the older man answered.  “More lately, now that they are looking for you. The Sheriff is afraid that you will start something if he does not kill you.”

I grinned, something already brewing in my head. Robin looked at me, questioning, but I shook my head. Now wasn’t the time for answers. I did not want Matthew to have to lie to the soldiers either, about any trouble I made for the Sheriff.

“Here Matthew. I will give you the supplies. You know who needs what. We’ll be back soon with more.” The two of us handed over our bundles and headed back for the trees.

Our hoods went down as soon as we were in the safety of the trees, and we talked. “I haven’t known you very long, but that look on your face makes me very worried,” he murmured. He nudged me gently in my side. “What is going on in that mind of yours?”

The two of us had grown closer, he scared me less now that he had stopped asking questions. Maybe someday I would tell him. After the Sheriff was dead, maybe, and he was back to being and Earl. Or maybe I would never tell him. Right now, it wasn’t the issue. The Sheriff was.

“Matthew said that the Sheriff was afraid you would start something. Our dear Sheriff is frightened. He doesn’t want you to be able to tell people what happened. I do not think our Sheriff is frightened enough. Not yet. I think it is time for us to make him very afraid of us. It is time to make ourselves known.

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