"Hello, this is Microsoft support. This is the serial killer who probably murdered your kid and if you're kid isn't already dead they will be soon. I also go by Jeff."
"I thought you got monitored?"
"They've totally stopped giving a shit, so. What's up today, Sophie-paloafy?"
"Paloafy?"
"I don't know. No good nicknames for 'Sophie.'"
"True, true. At least you tried. I'm still flattered. Anyway, whenever I use Tumblr for videos, it freezes constantly. What do I do?"
"Are you using Tumblr for porn, Sophie?"
"WHAT. EW. NO. WHAT."
"Shut up. That's all Tumblr videos are. Anyway, you have to let it buffer."
"I do. It doesn't work."
"Ah! Wait, I just looked up a solution for you in the little tech help booklet we have."
"Yayayayayayay! What's it say?"
"Switch to PornHub."
"Fuck off."
"I think you will be later."
"EW. I bet you'd love that."
"Maybe. That's up to opinion."
"I have to go, Jeff."
"Please don't. I'm ever so lonely."
"Ugh. I guess I can stay for a little longer..."
"That's my Sophie-paloafy."
