It was my Willing Choice

Chapter V: Treading on Thin Ice

Even with the promise to talk to the other and to try to smooth things out between them; the next few days were more of both Harry and Tom playing cat and mouse around each other. Both wizards seemed to avoid the prospect of being in the other's company; without actually meaning to really be avoiding the second wizard in the house, and not knowing how to get around talking about issues that made them both feel exposed and vulnerable.

However, the separation was beginning to weigh on them. Their magic was agitated by their stubborn desire to be apart for now, and both sensed the new need to be near the other.

It was clear to both; that each wizard wanted something to come of this new...circumstance? Yet neither wizard was really sure what it was they truly wanted to happen, and they also didn't really know how to handle their emotional responses when thinking it over.

Especially, when they happened to be together by odd chance and talked. At times it was calm and normal; while at others...it got heated really fast or exploded to words of fury. Or it erupted into a whole other situation; one involving lots of touching, kissing, and soft words that riled the other.

So avoidance had become the new normal; for neither did they wish to make the other distance themselves more than they already had.

Harry spent most of his time reviewing his older texts from his years in the school; wanting to somewhat erase his bad study habits of before while habitually taking breaks and wandering outside on the grounds. He was amazed by all the flora of the gardens; yet, the solarium was even grander than even it.

Meanwhile, as Harry studied and roamed to familiarize himself to his new home; Tom was almost constantly either barricaded behind his new and improved wards surrounding his study and chambers, or he was locked in the basement for Merlin only knew what.

Harry suspected that he was experimenting with their disguises to ensure they worked. Their visit to Gringotts had now been arranged and was a few days away. Though the goblin's had requested that they both set aside several days to go over all they needed to share; which had sounded foreboding to Harry and put him ill at ease.

Tom seemed less concerned about it; though that merely might be because he was better at hiding his responses. It was true that they didn't have time to waste; Tom was rather...anxious to get things moving forward with his healing process.

Harry wasn't as much; while he was glad that Tom wanted him healthier in order to be an asset to his war...he was conflicted about it too. The changes would make him as he was meant to be; as in as if he had never suffered his abuses; not to the degree he had. It would never fully correct it; there had been too much damage and too much wasted time, but Harry wondered if Tom would have ever accepted him if he had chosen not to undergo this.

He sighed as he lowered his tome and eyed the bright blue summer sky; his gaze distant and sad for the moment. He was thinking about all this as if he expected Tom to be the one who rejected him when Harry was quite aware the man was the more insecure of the two; which said a lot.

Tom was far older than he was even if his appearance didn't give that away. He was not exactly uncomfortable with the age gap...neither was Harry; for magical people aged differently to those without magic, but the gap was uncommon. It did, at times, promote instances where both of them were not as comfortable with things as they could be.

The vast majority, however, of their insecurity stemmed mostly from their violent past together and what now might very well possibly be real for them if all of the theories Tom had proved to be true; or mostly true, at the least.

The insecurities came because Tom knew he had done things to himself before the younger wizard had even been born; things such as rituals that enhanced many of his attributes and prolonged his life, but ultimately were things that made him unable to see clearly of what was meant to be.