Akatsuki Randomness

Suitchi 2.0

Itachi swept his hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his, and was slightly startled when the action was cut short. Oh, right, Kisame has short hair... He watched Kisame, in Itachi's body, walk ahead of him. It amused him to see his body acting as Kisame, with his stance and swagger and the endearing grin he always had.

"Aahh we're home" Kisame said happily as he slapped the boulder that acted as a door. "This one is set up for our chakra elements. I was assigned to unlock it for us. Please tell me you remember the jutsu I taught you?" Itachi asked, skepticism written on his face.

Grinning, Kisame cracked his knuckles saying, "relax, I've got it." He wove hand signs and a large fireball erupted from his mouth. He blew it onto the seal and the writing on the parchment turned from black to gold. "Heh, see? Your clan's jutsu isn't so special after all." Itachi glared at him as the boulder sunk back into the cliff face before rumbling to the side.

Lanterns cast yellowed light onto the corridor's floors and walls. They stared down the long hallway and Itachi broke the silence. "We may as well not delay the inevitable. Let's hope it's not as bad as I fear." Kisame nodded and hesitantly put a foot inside, then another, and another. They made their way to the main living quarters, the sounds of domestic activity and habitation reaching them.

"Hidan! Put that- don't stab Zetsu!" Shay yelled, trying to get the chaotic scene under control. "I want to see if a fucking plant can die!" Hidan shouted back, chasing the frightened plant man around the kitchen. "Do you bleed blood?! Or sap?!" Hidan snarled as his next stab missed Zetsu. "I WANNA FUCKING KNOW!" He screamed, pushing Kay out of his way while he chased Zetsu down different corridors and into different rooms.

"Was that-?" Kay began but Shay cut her off with a wave of her hand, "don't ask." Sipping a mug of coffee that Shay had put in front of her, Kay hummed happily and asked "did Shinju come back from her mission yet?" With a smirk Shay confirmed that Shinju was indeed late and could surmise why.

"Gross. Can you imagine him with his mouth tendrils? Just...blerg" Kay said, waggling her tongue like Jabba the Hutt. "Stop it!" Shay laughed before the sound of footfalls caught her attention. Looking at the room's entrance both women were hesitantly excited. Their men were due back any day. Itachi and Kisame stepped into the room.

"KISA!" Kay shouted, bounding up from her chair and running to the large muscled man. She jumped onto his waist, wrapping her legs around him and her arms around his neck, and planted a passionate kiss onto his blue lips. Itachi stood rooted to his spot in shock and Kisame, who had been standing with his arms open and braced for her attack, looked at the scene with horror and dismay on his face. Shay, watching it all unfold, noted the men's odd expressions and reactions.

When Kisame didn't return her kiss, Kay opened her eyes and slowly slid off him, stepping back to finally see his expression. "Kisa? What's wrong?" She asked, her voice laced with concern. "I'm over here, is what's wrong!" Kisame said, petulant and his arms crossed over his chest.

Shay approached Itachi and placed three fingers on his forehead. "Miru" she whispered and Itachi's eyes rolled back into his head. Shay searched, rewinding Itachi's memories until she found what she was looking for: his mission. She watched as they fought, as Orochimaru used the jutsu on them and finally, when they realized they had switched bodies. "Tojiru" she said quietly and removed her fingers, propping Itachi up as he dazedly came to.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow and she chuckled. "Sorry but it seemed a faster way to get information." "Hn" he hummed and hugged her; her jutsu always left the target groggy and confused until they got their bearings.

"Shay?" Kay asked, still staring at the men in horror, "please tell me you learned something." "It's simple: during their mission Orochimaru used a jutsu that caused them to switch bodies. So Itachi," she explained by touching Kisame, "is here and Kisame," she turned to point at Itachi, "is there." As the realization of what had just happened hit her, Kay's eyes widened and she looked at Kisame, frantic. "I kissed Itachi! I mean, it was your body, but I KISSED ITACHI?! Oh, disgusting!"

"OI!" Both men chorused. "He's not that bad!" , "I'm not disgusting!" they said over each other. Kay looked at Kisame and shook her head, "I'm sorry but I can't deal with this just now. I need some space" she said with a mixture of sadness and anger, before turning and walking away. "Wha-?" Kisame started and looked down to see Shay's hand on his arm. "Just give her some time. It'll be ok" she soothed him.

"Do you know where Sasori is? I don't think he's in the base because I don't hear explosions and arguing. It's kind of nice, actually" Itachi mused, enjoying the silence. Shay turned to look at him and he wrapped his arms around her. "No, they're scouting a new target Village. They should be back tomorrow according to Konan's timeline."

"Tomorrow?!" Kisame sputtered, breaking their moment. "I can't wait until tomorrow! This is too weird now! At first it was funny but now, it's just creating problems!"

"There is one major problem" Itachi said quietly. "What?" Shay asked, trying to read the expression in his eyes. "What are-" Itachi looked away, blushing a little, "what are we going to do about sleeping arrangements?" Kisame's eyes went wide and he grit his teeth, "oh HELL NO! You're not sleeping with my woman!" "I don't have any intentions of sleeping with Kay! And you're not going to sleep with Shay!" Itachi yelled back, losing his composure for once.

"We'll figure it out!" Shay exclaimed, holding up her hands to keep the men apart. "I'll figure it out!" "Thank you!" Kisame said and stormed to his room, slamming the door. Itachi sighed and rubbed his eyes, "I'm sorry." Laying her head on his overmuscled, in her opinion, chest, Shay closed her eyes and imagined Itachi's body; "we'll figure it out" she said calmly and Itachi trusted in her.