𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐃》𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴 + 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦

𝙾𝟼 | 𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙽. ☔

[idol ;; kim mingyu (of seventeen). lowercase intended. ©️ -jaehyunni ]

———

twenty-two. 

she's twenty-two when she sees him. 

at twenty-two, she falls in love. 

the first time they kissed, her future blossomed into something so beautiful and yet so fatal. 

she's twenty-two and she loves him like she's mending the stars together. she loves him like sugar; letting it run through her veins and coat her heart completely, dissolving any barrier she exhibits. 

now, she's twenty-six and she stares at him through a curtain of rain. 

the protuberant bags under his eyes, his tears mingling with the rain, it makes her want to slap him and run out to hug him at the same time. she wants to lace her fingertips in the fabric of his hoodie. 

his hoodie — the one she loves so much — covers his fingers entirely, drowning him like the rain. it's frayed with a hole in the shoulder, but it's still perfect. 

he's still perfect. 

she doesn't want to let him in. she knows what will happen if she does. she knows this routine all too well. 

a clap of thunder echoes through her neighborhood and he jumps. she sighs, feeling defeated. 

"come on," she says, her voice heavy. she moves from the doorway to let him inside and carefully closes the door behind him. 

he swallows hard upon entering. 

she knows what he's thinking. she looks at him, sees him in her house again. she feels a suffocating sense of nostalgia. 

for years, she let him take from her thinking it would be enough to get him to stay. to keep their relationship healthy. for years, he was many things for her, many magnificent things for her. but now, he's the reason for her pain, the reason for her hurting. 

she can't recall the moment things erupted into heartbreak and shouts. that's what torments her; the idea that things could be different. the idea that she could have saved their relationship.

she realizes now that he's staring back at her, his eyes shining, shimmering with anguish she almost mirrors. she has the sudden urge to kiss him, to kiss him and pass her soul to him with her breath. 

instead, she smothers the fantasy and takes a step towards him. 

he keeps his feet planted, anticipating her next move. 

but she doesn't. she doesn't move. 

after three minutes, he speaks. it's a sound that nearly tears her apart at the seams. her arms are itching to reach out and pull him close to her, to stitch their bodies together until they can't pull apart. 

"what are you doing?" 

she closes her eyes and inhales deeply, preventing her arms from reaching for him. 

"why are you here?" she asks, opening her eyes. 

"i just..." he pulls his eyes away from hers. "i missed you." 

she doesn't say anything, only frowns. "no you don't. it's not me you miss." she gestures to the house. "you miss the perks of a relationship. you miss not being lonely. you miss having a safe haven, somewhere you can be comfortable. so don't lie to my face."

he looks at her again, and momentarily he looks like he might cry. she feels the same way. the grief is evident in his gaze. "i still love you. i love you." 

a burst of rage explodes in her. it sounds the same. it sounds exactly like it did four years ago. three. two. one. four months ago. this is what breaks her. it doesn't sound different; it doesn't sound  like he loves her. it's just something he's expected to say.

"those words don't mean anything anymore." she feels sick. how could a phrase that once held galaxies feel so empty?

"i can fix it," he pleads desperately, "let me fix it."

she shakes her head, basking in the way her heart shatters yet again. "you can't."

"tell me what to do."

"you should leave." she hugs her arms tightly around her body, some part of her wishing it was him. 

"i can fix it," he says again. 

"you can't, mingyu!" she hisses. "even if you can, where would we go from there? knowing how bad our fights got, or the horrible things we've said to each other?" 

he bites his lip, perhaps to stop the tears in his eyes from tumbling down his cheeks. 

"you should go," she repeats, adding strength to her voice. 

to her surprise, he nods. she decides not to watch him as he leaves. 

she knows he's gone when she hears the rain resonating on the pavement outside, followed by the click of the door. she knows he'll be back. she knows he'll be back so they can have the same argument. 

until his return, she slumps against the wall, completely submerged in the memories they shared. 

———

[ hey !! i lowwwkey don't like this one, but i hope you did ! thanks for reading. don't forget to vote and comment. 💖 ]