Love's Debt (R18)

Kabanata XX

"My own expectation
hurts me so bad."

I CRIED in pain. Hindi ko na kakayanin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na 'to.

We are back inside our room and all I can do is to blame him for what happened.

"Kasalanan mo, kasalanan mo!"

"Sunshine..."

"Kung hindi ka sana um-eksena sa amin, kung hindi ka sana dumating, kung hindi sana tayo ikinasal, walang ganito!"

He looked at me with disbelief.

"Are you fucking blind, Sunshine? He fucking fooled you. Regardless if we got married or not, it can't change the fact that he's an asshole! He got a woman and he got a daughter behind your back! Do you really think it's my fucking fault?"

Lalo akong napahagulhol. "Kasalanan mo..."

"You're unbelievable. Fine! You can blame me for hurting you but do not fucking blame me for the things he did! He's a fucking asshole!"

"Paano mo nasasabing asshole siya, huh? Wala pa man 'to, palagi mong sinasabi ang bagay na 'yan. You always judge him kahit hindi mo naman siya kilala! You don't know anything, Van Angelo!"

Galit na galit ako. Alam kong mali na ibunton ko ang galit ko kay Van Angelo. This is not the right time to think about our fucking marriage. Aaminin ko, hindi naman kasalanan ng kasal na nangyari sa amin ang nangyayari ngayon.

Tim having his own family. A woman beside him and a daughter. Who would have thought that this day will happen?

Kahit katiting lang, hindi ko inisip o inakala na baka niloloko lang ako ni Tim or he's hiding something from me.

Mahal na mahal namin ang isa't isa. He always make me feel how lucky I am to be his girlfriend. Palagi niya akong pinapasaya. He make efforts for me, too. Lahat ng magagandang bagay na hindi mo aakalaing gagawin niya, ginawa niya sa akin. That's why I fell in love over and over.

I never doubt him. I always trust him. He's always beside me whenever I needed him. I can always call him anytime. Busy man siya sa work, he never forget our special dates.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw lang siya medyo sumasablay but we were together for years.

Ang sakit sakit lang na bakit ngayon pa? Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan desidido na ang puso ko na siya na ang makakasama ko hanggang huli? That we will build our own family. Iyong mapakasalan siya is one of my greatest dream.

Pero lahat nang iyon, nawalang parang bula. Wala akong ibang maramdaman sa puso ko kundi sakit.

Pain and betryal.

"You should drink this. Let's stop fighting, please."

Hindi ko tinanggihan ang inabot ni Van Angelo na tea. Ayoko rin namang awayin siya. I've been crying for almost two hours at hindi umalis si Van sa tabi ko pero eto ako, sa halip na magpasalamat ay nang-aaway pa.

I even shouted at him na kasalanan niya ang lahat when in fact, it's not his fault that my boyfriend is cheating on me.

No, he's not actually cheating on me. Lumabas pa tuloy na para akong kabit. May anak sila, kami wala.

"Thanks." Sabi ko.

Napagod ako kakasisi sa kaniya ng mga nangyari. He let me shout at him. He didn't say anything. He let me punch him, and in return, he just hugged me.

"Take a rest after drinking that tea." Aniya.

"Van..."

He sat beside me. He held my hands and looked at me.