The Styles Paradox and Other Alternate Universe Conundrums (HS AU)

Tuna Did Not Accept The Apology

After Mother and Father released me from that baffling breakfast I made my way downtown to my only friends house. The large lopsided brick house looked straight from a Dr. Seuss book. Carefully walking up the unstable stairs, I knocked on the door as hard as I could.
As expected a small woman with one stark grey streak in her hair answered the door. "Theo darling, come on in." I hugged the woman as I stepped into the house.
"Hello Mrs. Simon, how are you?"
"Kicking but not high. He's upstairs." Before I bounded up the stairs I bent down and kissed her on her forehead that was permanently creased from worry. Walking to the door at the end of the hallway that seemed to go on infinitely, I gently tapped on it.
"What!?"
"It's me, open the door!"
"What's the password?"
".....Tom just open the fucking door."

-access granted-

The door swung open to reveal a lanky boy hunched over a gigantic desk littered with everything from building plans to empty cola cans. I entered the room quickly and shut the door behind me.
"My parents did it"
The boy turned around in his chair so fast he fell out of it. "OHMYFUCKINGGOSHDOYOUKNOWWHATTHISMEANS?THEY'VEOPENEDTHEDOORSTOCOUNTLESSPOSSIBILITIESINSPACETRAVELTOSIMPLYGOINGTOTHEFUCKINGGROCERYSTORE!"

One thing to know about my dear darling Tom, is that no one. Nobody. Absolutely no person on this earth or the next. 
Admires and unequivocally worships my parents as much as he does. He asks for an autograph every time he comes over. What's more is that he completely and thoroughly understand everything that they do and talk about. Unlike myself who gets confused every two sentences they say. "Please calm down, you're scaring Tuna."
Tuna, Tom's genetically modified hedgehog, sat in his enclosure very clearly giving Tom the evil eye.
"Sorry 'bout that Tuna."
Tuna did not accept the apology.

"What are they going to do now?" I tiredly sat in a large beanbag chair near me. "Show it to the world. Further prove that they're the best of the best of the best."
"Yes they are..." Tom stated dreamily. "Please stop imagining having a threesome with my parents for two minutes, please and thank you."
"Mmmm nope." He sat across from me on the floor.
"You shouldn't feel so bad all the time. You are smart ya know."
I leaned my head back and groaned.
"But I'm not you. I'm not even Herman. He's homicidal but at least he's creative with his torture devices. I cried four times during my algebra homework."
"Wellll, you were the only one that realized Greg was an extraterrestrial."
"Yea but that's only because he went on a 10 minute rant about how filthy humans are and how he can't wait till we're all destroyed, after I accidentally spilled milk on his sweater. Plus nobody believes me anyway.."

Tom scooted closer "Well your parents love you. It's not like they're disappointed in you or make you purposely feel bad. Just try taking genuine interest in what they do and you might pick up some things." He suddenly stood up enthusiastically.
"THE WORLD IS YOURS TIFFANY!"
"you scared Tuna again."
He whirled around to face him
"Sorry Tuna."
Tuna did not accept the apology.

-R.I.P my friends hedgehog Tuna.
You are always missed.-