ekstasis

vii

By the time I manage to drag myself out of bed on Saturday, it's past noon—far later than I've ever allowed myself to sleep in before. I hesitate in front of my mirror for a moment, unsure of how to dress myself for my first day off. Eventually, I settle on an old, baggy sweater layered over my uniform skirt and hurry downstairs to get brunch before the cafeteria closes.

Thankfully, I'm apparently not the only oversleeper on campus, as the cafeteria is bustling with students. There's hardly a place to sit, and although I spot Alexei and his friends in one corner, Christine is there too, and I'm still not feeling quite up to confronting her.

So I make my way back outside to the grass instead, with a mug of tea in one hand and a plate of french toast in the other.

I'd planned to sit on my own, but then I spot Holly, picking at a bowl of fruit under one of the trees at the corner of the lawn. I hesitate for a moment, still not quite sure of where we stand, but she'd seemed friendly last night. Maybe it's worth a shot.

Holly looks up as I approach, a sour look on her face, but it soon fades.

"Hey. You have a good time last night?"

"...Yeah, I guess so," I laugh, unsure of where to even begin explaining everything that happened.

She must take my confusion for coyness, though, because she laughs too, the afternoon sunlight catching on her teeth. "Alright, Sophie Boyd. I'll admit it, I misjudged you. Maybe you're not entirely stuck up."

"I'll take what I can get," I say, hesitantly settling cross-legged beside her.

She gives me a long, appraising look, and for a tense moment I'm worried that she's going to ask me to get up and leave, but then she smiles again. Even this small sign of approval feels monumental coming from her, and I look away, trying to hide my blush behind a curtain of dark hair.

"So, first week of classes," she says, her tone an odd mixture of curiosity and boredom. "Bragdon everything it was cracked up to be?"

After last night, I don't even need to think about my answer. "It's incredible here. Everyone has been so welcoming... and I already feel like I'm learning so much."

She arches an eyebrow, watching me carefully. "You really think so?"

"I... Yeah?" I mumble, stumbling on my words. Aside from whatever happened between Christine and me, I have yet to discover anything bad about this place. Even what happened in the forest doesn't feel quite so creepy anymore—just a misunderstanding, paired with whatever anxiety and loneliness has been following me since I arrived here. Of course I would have nightmares, make things out to be bigger than what they actually were.

But if Holly knows about the club...

"Don't read too much into that, or anything." She interrupts my train of thought, picking at the black polish on her thumbnail. "I'm just surprised, is all. I mean, I know it's not always easy to get along here when you're... not like all the rest."

"...Is it that obvious?" I ask, suddenly all too conscious of my cockneyed accent and threadbare sweater.

"It's not worth being embarrassed about," Holly says, back to her usual confident, matter-of-fact tone. "I've been here longer than you, and you see many other girls who look like me on this campus? We're both going to stick out at this place no matter what we do. No point in hiding it or pretending to be someone you're not."

"I guess so..." I say, gazing down at the mug of tea cupped between my hands. I know Holly is doing her best to be nice, but her cynicism isn't what I want to hear right now. Not after my conversation with Alexei last night.