"Dear angel, I have loved you for so long. I understand everything."
JULES LAFORGUE, THE MORAL TALES
I think I noticed something was different when Nadine was starting to walk barefooted around the house, and when I asked her where her slippers were, she would avoid my eyes and reply, "I left them in my condo."
She left them in her condo exactly seven times that week.
Days passed, and more items started disappearing. The diffuser in the master's bedroom. Her favorite bedsheet. An entire rack of clothes. Her profile in our shared Netflix account. The cold cuts and cheese in the fridge.
I knew I was losing her.
One time, I caught her loading a painting in her car. I stood in the driveway and watched her, hoping that she would turn back and hang the canvass where it belonged in the past years—inside our room.
But instead, she stared at me blankly and continued with what she was doing. More items started to pile up in her car's trunk: bottles of wine that we were supposed to open on her birthday, bed sheets, succulents. I was frozen. I could not believe this was happening.
It was only when I witnessed Cal jump into one of the car seats that I felt warm tears run down my cheeks. Nadine started the engine and turned on the air conditioner in the vehicle.
Her hands were in the backpocket of her jeans, her gaze fixated on the ground, while she took slow steps towards me.
"You knew this was coming." She whispered, her voice trembling a little when she spoke.
I nodded. She was right. In the past couple of months, I noticed all the changes; but, I was in denial. I could not bring myself to talk about it. I thought it was just a phase, that after all of this weird shit, we would still be okay.
We always figured it out, Nadine.
I did not realize I had said that out loud until I heard her say, "Not this time, James."
Everything was happening too fast. I thought I still have time to save this.
But she already made up her mind. She made the decision herself. Without me. I guess that already said a lot about how this was a lost cause.
"I love you, Nadine." The words came out like a plea.
Tears started to well in her eyes, and I wanted to hug her so badly, but I thought it would not help the situation. "I love you, too. You are my best four years."
"You are all of my days." Yesterdays. Todays. Tomorrows. Nows. Forever. Always.
She got in the car without another word, and drove off. Just like that, she was gone.
—
Cut to me, four months later, texting Nadine not to bring Cal to the house anymore since my allergies were really awful. My eyes were swollen, my sinuses were congested, and I just kept sneezing every two minutes.
So, I was surprised when she showed up in my room and started setting up the diffuser (yes, the one that she left with) in the exact same place where it used to be.
"I thought you were not coming anymore?"
She was hovering above the diffuser, opening a bottle of essential oil. "Na-guilty ako."
My head was aching so much because of my clogged nose, and her answer did not help. "Huh?"
"Wala. I bought this, 'di ba? Technically, it's mine. But I bought it for you, since your allergies get really bad especially when the weather's changing drastically." She was fidgeting with the diffuser the entire time she was speaking. I was supposed to reply and tell her how grateful I was that she came, but I saw that she was not wearing any slippers.
"Why are you barefooted?"
"Ah?" I was staring at her toes as they started wiggling against the wooden tiles. "You know I hate outside dirt. Dito sa kwarto."
She was still not meeting my eyes, and I thought that made the tension higher. Before I could say another word, she was heading for the door, saying, "Well, I have a pair of slippers in the car that I could leave here. I don't like dirt on the bottom of my feet, too. By the way, I'm going downstairs. Is your antihistamine still where it used to be? I think you should transfer it near the..."
I was already feeling better. Maybe the essential oil really helped. :-)
—
A/N: Timeline is after Co-Parenting.
I think Daffodil Fields *tentatively* will be a collection of stories about moments pre and post break-up. Endings and *possible* new beginnings. 🌱
Thank you for reading po. 💜
