A Woman of Honour

Chapter 9

When Helen arrived back from the lake, Lady Helford had been even more irritable than usual. She was punishing Helen for disobeying her wishes and not accompanying her to the church that afternoon. As soon as she had entered the entrance hall, she had pounced on Helen and had immediately ordered her to remove her blue muslin dress. Helen was only too glad to don the dull grey uniform. The blue dress only served to remind her of the life that she could have led if she had accepted Ralph's offer. As she hung it in the small wardrobe in her bed-chamber, she felt as though she was closing the door on a part of her heart; a part she must keep shut away from the world.

She hoped that Ralph understood why she had to reject both his proposals. It would have been far too easy to accept his offer of marriage. To become his wife and live a life of luxury, not having to worry about the future, had been very tempting. It would have given her access to her son. And, it would have provided her with a chance to have some say over his future. However, Helen knew that this would have been a selfish dream.

She knew that he had been sincere when he had said to her that he loved her. However, Helen also knew, deep in her heart, that love would never be enough to sustain them throughout the years. It had not been enough when she had married Harry all those years ago and would not be enough now. He would soon be disappointed with her. He needed a young lady, unspoilt by the cares of this world and not tainted with scandal. It would have only been a matter of time before someone had recognised her. She could not risk being exposed to the shame of her past and bring his family name into disrepute. If he ever found out what she had done, he would, like everyone else, be horrified. Not even Tom knew the full extent of her shame.

In the drawing-room after dinner, Alice had come over and rescued her from Lady Helford's excessive demands. 'She is an old dragon,' Alice had whispered to her as they sat together on a chaise, listening to yet another poorly played Mozart concerto. 'Later tonight when the dragon in settled is her layer,' Alice then whispered in her ear, 'may I come to your room? I have something to show you.'

Later that night, just after midnight, Helen heard a gentle knock on the door of her bedchamber. She opened the door to find Alice and her maid, Phyllis, who was struggling under the weight of a rather large package and her sewing box, standing in the corridor. As she ushered them in, Helen immediately knew that Alice was hatching some scheme that involved her.

Once inside, Phyllis put the package, wrapped in brown paper, onto the bed and placed the sewing box on the floor.

'I brought Phyllis with me,' Alice said, smiling sweetly at Helen, 'I hope you don't mind.'

'Of course not,' Helen replied warily, noting the glint of mischief in her eyes.

'I was just wondering,' Alice said, smiling mischievously, 'what you intended to wear to the ball. Lady Huntingdon may be high in the instep, but I have to hand it to her, she does know how to organise a ball. She has told me that she has invited the whole neighbourhood. It certainly promises to be a grand affair.'

'My dove grey silk,' Helen said cautiously, 'I usually wear it when I accompany Lady Helford.'

Alice sighed. 'Helen,' she said, with mock gravity, 'I do not wish to sound rude, but that dress will never do.'

Helen looked over at the sewing box by Phyllis' feet and instantly guessed what Alice had planned. She was just about to refuse the offer before it had even been made when Alice pre-empted her. 'I know what you are going to say,' Alice said, putting on her most commanding air. 'You are going to make an excuse about being the old dragon's companion and that you could not possibly wear anything but that drab uniform she insists you wear every day. However, I will be your St George, and I will vanquish your enemy. I know how to slay that particular dragon,' Alice added confidently, as she pretended to wield a sword.