A Woman of Honour

Chapter 11

'A few days later, I was summoned to Hidcote to speak with Lord Brentford. I was frightened that my father and Brentford had devised a plan to hide my disgrace that would ultimately lead to the loss of my child. When I arrived at Hidcote, and to my great surprise, Harry was there. He did not look at all pleased to see me, and it was with great reluctance that he asked for my hand in marriage.'

Helen remembered the proposal clearly if one could have called it a proposal at all. It was a garbled declaration made under duress. And, he could barely look at her as he said the words. If her situation had not been so dire, and she had only her disgrace to contend with, she would have refused him there and then.

'I realised, I had no choice,' she said, unable to hide the sadness in her voice. 'When my father sensed my hesitation, he made my options very clear. I could marry Harry, a man who did not want a wife, but I would be able to keep my child; or I would be sent away to have my child in secret and have it taken away from me as soon as it was born. There was no option left open to me, but to marry him.'

'We were married by special licence, and within a week, we were off to Portugal,' she said, keeping her voice level and not revealing the tumult of emotions she was feeling. 'The first few months of our marriage were surprisingly happy. I knew Harry didn't love me, but he looked after me and made sure that I was comfortable. He invited me to escort him to balls and other entertainments the officers and their wives had organised.'

'However, it all changed after Harry was injured at Corunna. I had just given birth to Georgie.' Helen stopped again when she remembered those frightening days when she thought she would die. It had been a difficult birth, and if it had not been for the skill of the Portuguese midwife; she would have died along with her son. As it was, she had been told by the midwife that her chances of having another child were low. And, in all the years since Georgie's birth, she had never been able to conceive. It was another reason why she could never marry a man like Ralph.

'Harry was badly injured. In the heat of the battle, a shell exploded near him, and a piece of shrapnel pierced his skull. He was unconscious for weeks, and I thought he was going to die. I took him back to Hidcote so that he could be nursed back to health in familiar surroundings.'

'I knew there was something wrong the moment he regained consciousness,' she said, her voice barely audible. Helen remembered the blank look in his eyes when he had, at last, woken up and looked at her for the first time since his injury. 'I had never been under the illusion that he was in love with me,' she continued, 'but during the first few months of our marriage, he had been, at the very least, thoughtful. However, after the accident, all that concern vanished, and he cared for no one but himself.'

'He would get jealous whenever I went to see Georgie. I thought it was a little odd that he never wanted to see his son, especially after how excited he had been at the prospect of his birth.'

Helen had always been puzzled by his transformation after the injury. His personality had entirely changed. He was no longer the fun-loving rogue, whom everyone loved; he had turned, almost overnight, into a distant stranger.

'When he was well enough to re-join his regiment, he wouldn't let me take Georgie,' she said sadly. 'I had to leave him behind at Hidcote with my father-in-law. I know the battlefield is no place to bring up a child, but a baby needs its mother. It broke my heart, leaving him behind in that place. It is a house devoid of any love or affection. It may have been dangerous to have taken him with me, but at least he would have been loved.'

'When we re-joined his regiment, who were now marching through Spain, it was evident that Harry might have recovered physically, but he was now a different person.' Helen felt a deep sadness as she remembered those painful days. Not only had she been separated from her son, but she had also had to deal with Harry's unpredictable mood swings.