The Ways We Drown || Peter Parker

Peter

When Peter was eight he almost drowned.

He had been visiting Long Island Beach with Ben and May, celebrating his uncle's birthday for the weekend. At the time Peter had been ecstatic, having never been near an ocean and wanting to dive in the moment they arrived. However, May had been adamant that he stay close to her side as Ben set up the umbrellas and towels for the day. Peter had listened for a minute or two, but he was nothing if not a curious child.

He seized his opportunity while she was lathering up in sunscreen, running towards the sea and not hesitating to embrace the waves as soon as he reached them. It was a moment that could only be described as ecstasy as he let himself float, completely mesmerized by the way the salt water moved before him.

He had seen plenty of photos of the sea growing up, but to experience the thrill of it was something new entirely. He looked past the sun and tried to find the end of the ocean, but the blue waters appeared to go on for infinity.

Peter smiled as he took a step forward, accepting the challenge.

He chose not to think as he sank deeper into the water, swinging his arms forward and kicking his legs until he was no longer able to touch the shore. He imagined himself as a sea creature as he fully immersed himself into the ocean, and he couldn't help but think that this was the most fun he would ever have in his life.

But then another wave hit him, and suddenly it was no longer exciting to Peter. He attempted to keep himself afloat but the task felt impossible as the sea began to pull him down. He opened his mouth to call for help but the words were muffled as he choked on salt water instead.

Peter continued to thrash around though he was aware he had no idea how to swim. Elation had quickly turned into blinding fear, and the knowledge that he wouldn't survive this weighed even heavier than the waves above him. With the realization, he relaxed his body as he began to lose air, and he almost felt at peace when he finally closed his eyes.

Just when he thought he had actually reached the end of the ocean, strong arms grabbed at his shoulders and he was suddenly pulled forward.

Unknowingly at the time, he had allowed the sea to swallow him whole as if it were inevitable, and to this day he is unable to describe the feeling of waves crashing into him as he simply accepts his fate. The moment of peace still haunts him at night when he tries to sleep.

He sometimes wonders if that was what death feels like.

He remembers the lecture he had gotten from Ben and May that day, and he swears he has never felt more guilty. May had been sobbing at that point and Ben was absolutely furious, holding him tight and physical shaking as he tried to explain to Peter why he was not allowed to do that.

Peter had been defensive despite knowing what he had done was wrong. He yelled at Ben with a childish rage and twisted away from his grip, not understanding the severity of the situation until his uncle explained it a different way.

"What if it were May, would you have wanted her to stop swimming?"

Peter had shook his head, not even wanting to fathom a scenario where either of them were in danger. Tears begin to form in his eyes but Ben pressed on relentlessly, desperate for Peter to listen.

"I don't care how hard it is, you always keep your head above the water."

"But I don't even know how to swim."

"Then you learn, you ask for help and if there's no one around you figure it out yourself."

The words were stern at the time as they were practically spat at him, but even after all these years they still stick with Peter. He has since then learned the importance of waiting before diving into the water.