I Settle For Long Distance Calls

Chapter 26

Shane stayed at my place for a few days to make sure I was okay. He slept on the couch, and I was finally starting to be able to sleep again. I woke up a few times with nightmares, but I was getting better. Slowly but surely, I suppose.

About a week after I got home, I woke up to Shane’s voice in the kitchen. Obviously muffled, it sounded like he was on the phone. I crept out of my room and stood behind the doorway so he wouldn’t see me, even though his back was turned to me.

“She’s doing better, yeah.”

…

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea, her nightmares just-”

…

“Yeah she’s getting them again. Well, they finally stopped I think, but still.”

…

“No I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. Listen to me, I’m trying to do what’s best for Jules!” his voice was getting louder and he sounded more frustrated.

…

“No, you listen to me. You fucked this up. Not your other band friends, not me, not her. You need to get your shit together and reevaluate your choices. I can’t believe you would really think that coming back into her life after the shit you put her through would be a good idea for her. Think about her! God damnit, this is about her, not you. You broke her, man. She fucking loved you!”

…

“Yeah, well, fuck you too. At least I’m here for her. Where are you?” then he pulled the phone from his ear and slammed it down. He leaned against the counter, rubbing his face with his hands and sighing. I cleared my throat and walked into the room.

“Morning,” he said, forcing a smile. “Sleep well? I didn’t hear you at all, so I guess you had to have.”

“Yeah I slept really well,” I was debating whether or not to say anything about the phone call. We both stood there in an awkward silence for a few moments before we both tried to break it.

“Jules, I-” he started.

“Was that him?” he looked down at his feet and didn’t say anything. “Shane. Answer me. Was that Jack?” he nodded, still keeping his eyes averted.

“Do you want to see him?” he asked, finally looking up at me.

“No,” I decided after a long pause.

“Then you don’t have to,” he pulled me into a hug as I released the sobs that were choking my throat. After a few minutes my crying subsided and all that was left was jagged breathing. I pulled away from Shane and he looked down at me. “This isn’t fair,” he said as he wiped my eyes.

“What’s not fair?” I mumbled, still staring at his chest.

“That he did this to you. That you loved him and he did this.”

“Life’s not fair, Shane,” I shrugged as I pulled the sleeves of my shirt down.

“But it should be. It should at least be better. Especially for you. I mean, you’re perfect. You deserve so much more than… all this,” he made a flailing motion with his arms and smiled. I laughed at his antics and rolled my eyes. “Hey, at least I got you to laugh,” he smiled at me.

“Baby steps, huh?” I looked up at him.

“Baby steps,” he nodded and hugged me again.

“Thanks, Shane. For staying here, and all of that,” I kissed his cheek as I pulled away from the hug.

“Anything for you, my dear,” he stuck his tongue out at me, making me laugh again. “Want to go to Powell’s today? Like we used to?” he sat down at the counter.

“Yeah definitely! I’ll go get ready,” I turned and walked into my room. I picked out some clothes and took a quick shower. I dried my hair and pulled it into a French braid and pulled on my shorts and shirt as my phone buzzed. I walked over to the bed and picked it up. It was probably Jack, he still texted me at least once a day. I looked at the screen and saw an unknown number.

‘Hey, Jules. This is Austin, Alex gave me your #. How are you?’

‘Oh my gosh, Austin! Hey! I’m doing better each day, how’s Warped going?’

‘It’s going really well. We’ll be in Portland soon, will I get to see you? I miss you!’

‘Yeah, maybe. I’ll see if Shane will take me, but it would be so good to see you’

‘I understand if you think it would be weird. But you should consider it, a lot of people miss you. It’s not the same without you! D:’

‘haha I’ll consider it!’

‘:)’

I smiled and put my phone back in my bag. I hadn’t really thought about whether or not I would go to Warped when it came to Portland this year. I already had tickets, Shane and I always bought them right away. I walked into the kitchen and Shane was standing by the door waiting for me.

“Ready?” he asked excitedly.

“No I think I need another twenty minutes, is that cool?” I joked looking at his impatient stance. He faked a pout and I laughed. I pulled on his hand and we started walking to the bookstore. We walked past the street fair, and memories of Jack started flooding back. I looked down at my feet, trying to regain my composure. Shane squeezed my hand and kissed my hair when he saw my reaction.

We finally made it Powell’s, and we spent hours inside. When we were finally done, I had a massive stack of books to read. I awkwardly carried it back to my apartment, refusing Shane’s help. I slammed it down on my bedroom floor and walked back out to the kitchen.

“That bag was so heavy,” I said as I collapsed in the seat next to Shane.

“Hey, I offered to help!” he laughed and held his hands up in defense.

“I know, but I just wanted to know I could do things on my own,” I mumbled and looked down at my hands.

“You know you’re not on your own. I’ll be here,” he placed his hand over mine and laced our fingers together. I stared down at our hands, they felt nice. I looked up at him and he leaned in and kissed me. I kissed back as he put his hand softly on my cheek.

But one thing kept popping through: he isn’t Jack. No matter how hard I tried, I still loved him.