Okay, so I have absolutely no idea what i’m doing. Kitty is making me keep this journal with every intention of reading what i’ve written. She told me to fill it with whatever comes to my mind, even write during school between assignments when i’m waiting for instructions from the teacher while everyone else is finishing the previous one. She said to write little short stories or poems, even little notes to myself here and there. She said it would be better than bottling everything inside like I have for the past 10 years. That I should try this way to cope with my problems instead of how I do when it’s an extreme case...
She’s really disappointed about the whole cutting thing. She saw my arm this morning and broke down into tears. All I could do was hold her in my arms and try to calm her down. Kitty when you read this please know, I really am truly sorry for cutting. I know you want me to stop and I know it isn’t healthy for me to make a habit of but it’s flooded my life like an addiction.
Every time mom comes home she’s either:
A) Stoned beyond belief
B) Drunk and ragging
c) On some form of drug
*insert illegal and highly dangerous drug here*
And I can’t always have you by my side to protect myself from making dumb decisions.
1 P.M.:
After the first cut, you’re hooked with a lingering temptation.
After the second, it becomes a game.
Sometimes it isn’t just a way to cope. It turns into a full blow addiction.
~~~~~~~~~ Right now. It’s just a little too late. To come to my side. And try to apologize. ~~~~~
My Journal Entry Number Two
Sitting in third period, Kittie’s across the class from me. Just being in the same room as her makes my heart beat faster. I hang out with her every day but lately for some reason i’ve had this weird knot in my stomach just to think about her.
