BEHIND THE BROKEN GLASS

A TOAST TO MAKING FRIENDS

After the car fiasco, I couldn't stop thinking about it I could've done more I don't understand why I had to be so weird about it. He texted me the next day, but it felt dry I was so afraid I didn't respond. I didn't want him to think I was weird but after that day I know he knew I was a freak. I arrived at work, Professor Silverman asked me to address him by his first name James. James introduced me to Phoebe his assistant, she was going to show me what I was going to do around the office he left me in her hands. Phoebe is very nice and humble she emptied a desk for me to sit next to her as she guided me throughout my assignments of the day. I would only spend three hours with them on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I learned a lot from her that day, she also helped me with some research papers. The firm only practices litigation but Mr. Silverman wanted to do more with his firm.The next day after class, I went to see the group at the library. I saw Candance walking around outside I approached her and asked her if she was fine.'I was looking for you'Are you okay?'did you tell Rebecca about what happened?'No. I don't think that's my place.'thank you please do not tell her' she sings of relief.You have to tell her how you feel'Jaylen wouldn't like that'Why, are you afraid of him'I..'Aziel approached us with a warm smile and opened the door while directing us inside.'what were you girls talking outside' Rebecca asked.nothing, I replied. Candice smiles and sits across from them as Aziel sits next to me.'I saw you guys left together after my party' Jaylen added'I just dropped her off' Aziel repliedThey are talking about me in front of me as if I was nothing, I felt so uncomfortable I got up and leave. Rebecca followed me and told me a concern she had'I think Jaylen is sleeping with Candice'How can you be sure?'I saw her text on his phone'Maybe it's in your head, or maybe you should talk to her'you're right. Don't worry about Jaylen he is very protective of the people around me.'I understand.'I want to stop by your house to have a girl's night and I am going to invite Candice so I could talk to her what do you think?'You are welcome at my house anytime.When I arrived home, I began reading the book. When I finally finished it, I realized I wanted to work on woman's rights issues. I called Aziel and we talked about the book all night, he told me he wanted to kiss me that night in the car and I told him I wanted to kiss him too but I froze I had never been in a relationship before or intimate with anyone so it was hard for me to fathom the idea someone would like me. I fell asleep with the sound of his voice in my head, it was soothing. The next day at work Mr. Sliverman had an office meeting with the other staff aside from me and Phoebe, he had three more employees two other girls in the office Stephanie and Sandra. I rarely spoke to them unless it was about missing documents but overall, I remained cordial with them. Mr. Silverman wanted to talk to them about giving me an official paid internship and I would be helping them with everything they needed. Stephanie works at the front desk while Sandra was the accountant. I was very interested in getting closer to Sandra since her job would be something I would need to know for the future, but she is very strict from what Phoebe told me, she likes things a certain way if done any other way they were done incorrectly. I rarely spoke with Stephanie since her job entail was not something for me to really focus on. I spent half of my time at the firm with Sandra, she was very welcoming, and she showed me some of her formulas, they were quite complicated no matter how easy she wanted them to sound like.After work Aziel picked me up, and we went to the park. I told her when I was a child, I found it difficult for me to allow others to touch me he seemed to understand. He was very supportive, and he asked me to play a game with him. He grabbed my hand and placed his hands on my palms'How does it feel?'It's fine. He moves closer to me, I could feel his breath my heart stared racing I don't understand what is happening to me why am I so afraid of him.How about now? He places wrap his hands around my waist. I cant feel my legsHe smiles 'that's a good sign, it means you like me as much as I like you'Why do I feel like a sixteen-year-old, when I am almost twenty-three? I can't understand why it is so hard for me to just kiss him. He placed his lips on me, it was soft and gentle. I felt my stomach hurled and I wanted to throw up, but I tried hard to hold it in. After the kiss, I couldn't stop laughing it was a huge step for me I made great progress. I was very proud of myself on my way home, I completely forgot to ask him for another book recommendation. Later that night he texted me to make sure I was okay and to talk. I was over the moon, I had a boyfriend, a job and friends everything was going perfect for me.My mother left for her trip to the Bahamas and I invited the girls over to my house for a girl's night. After Rebecca expressed her doubts about Candice, I wanted them to hash it out, and to talk about it I also asked Sandra and Phoebe to join me. The girls were very polite, we watched sixteen candles with popcorn. Rebecca wanted to watch something different and she began to express her movie ideas'anything action or adventure' Rebecca said.'Listen to the princess or else she might steal your man' Candice replied, I think she had enough to drink. I wanted to defuse the situation by offering something to drink. Sandra, it's not much for drama person which is why she immediately jump in and told them to leave it outside which only made matter worse.'I think it should go without saying, going behind someone's back and taking their man, he will do the same to you as he did to me, maybe with someone prettier or maybe with me' Candice said.'your sleeping with him' Rebecca said angrily, she got up the coach and stared approaching Candice. I ran from the kitchen to stop the confrontation, Phoebe who was next to me placed the plated down and followed me to them. Sandra grabbed Rebecca's hand and told her it was not worth it.'I am not sleeping with him, but I know who is? and he will break your heart the same way he broke mines.' Candice got up and tried to leave, I grabbed her hand and offered her coffee and told her she had to sleep the alcohol off. I offered her my guest bedroom for her to sleep in.After the girls left, the whole night felt quite stressful I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the whole situation if I was alone, Rebecca was frustrated she left early and the others had to leave since it got a bit awkward I apologized for what happened.The next morning, I was speaking to Candice she apologized for what happened she told me she had been drinking the hours prior which made it hard for her to tolerate Rebecca's presence. She also told me she was very happy to see me dating Aziel, he is a very nice guy. To which I agreed, he is very patient with me and has made me become more comfortable holding his hand and removing some layers to my clothing. She wanted to understand why I wore long sleeve clothes always, I explained to her why and she wondered if I was hiding something in my unconscious that is making me protect myself. I had to take a deep breath, why would she think that Rebecca once told me she was studying psychology, but I didn't think she would be this perspective about me. I don't think so, what exactly would my subconscious try to protect me from. I began to ponder over what she said, maybe she was right, maybe my father's death was so traumatizing it is now manifesting in ways to protect me from others hurting me.