2.0 | tacenda

7| cursed

I try my best
to be happy, good
and kind, all the qualities
you'd associate
with a positive vibe
but negative aspects
do plague
us all.

And if I act
jealous and bitter
please know
they are
weaknesses
I try to repress
every day.
I'm trying
and I don't
want to fail.

Don't point out
my flaws if you
can't also appreciate
my efforts
to curb them.
You might not
notice, but it
kills me on
the inside, every time
I feel this way
and I only ask
for some empathy.

If that's too much
I won't ask
anymore. But I'll
never stop caring
and that shall be
my curse
forever.

•••

Early, early update today! :))

I wrote this only a few days ago actually, whilst scrolling my way through Instagram. I know, weird, but I was actually looking at people's stories on my feed. And I was actually, honestly jealous of everything they've accomplished during their time in quarantine because while they are out baking goodies I'll never get to have and creating art I could probably never do, I've just been floating around in my bubble of bitter realisations.

So it would suffice to say, I haven't been very productive artistically, and that's been eating at me. Then there's always the fact poking around in my brain that I'm useless and good for nothing.

But, in that bubble of realisations, I also made peace with the fact that sometimes, having these negative emotions is okay, because you can't exactly be positive all the time without having a place to dump all of the negativity. It just builds up inside you and that could be a real problem. Trust me, I know.

So here's to accepting that whatever we feel, no matter how negative in the spur of the moment, is natural, and that we mustn't beat ourselves over it.
Also, here's a little Monday motivation, Lord knows we need those right now:

Alsooo, I'm dedicating this to hannahfurnish because she's the frickin best :')

À la prochaine!
(translation: until next time!)