♡︎𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕚𝕘 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕠𝕗 𝔸𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕔♡︎

A Noob's Guide to Understanding Aromantic

   Hi! If you read the description, then you already know my name. If not, I'm Olivia! And I'm here to tell you everything you need or want to know about being aromantic!

   WHAT IS AROMANTIC?

   An Aromantic is someone who either does not experience romantic attraction, or does so in a different way than is traditionally thought of. Basically, an aromantic can't(doesn't want to) have a romantic relationship with someone(at least in the way that romantic relationships are most commonly thought of.)

   HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE AROMANTIC?

   This is a tough one, because I'm sure it's different for everyone. Most people don't realize they're aromantic until they're older(Ex: I've been out for the past 3 years, and I came out when I was 11.) Some people don't realize until they're far into adulthood, because it's not something most people would really consider when questioning their sexuality.

   The way I realized that I was was by telling a close friend about how I felt, one who luckily was very knowledgeable about the LGBTQ+ community. They told me about what being aromantic was, and I immediately felt like I had finally found something that fit. I was so worried and confused about why I just couldn't feel the way everyone else seemed to about other people, and I was very relieved once I discovered that there were other people that felt the way that I did.

   WHAT ARE SOME SIGNS THAT YOU'RE AROMANTIC?

   Well, again, I'm sure it's not the same for everyone. One major giveaway for me was how off I felt about relationships. I very briefly "dated," and at the beginning it all seemed very okay. I felt happy and excited, but as time went on, I slowly began to realize just how clueless and uncomfortable I was. The person I was dating was great, and I was very good friends with him before we started dating. I was always happy to be around him and interact as if we were friends, but anything else made me uncomfortable.

   After the relationship ended, I realized something: I didn't like that person, at least not in they way they liked me. What I liked was the feeling that someone could care about me that way, or the idea that I was worthy of that kind of attention. I liked the companionship, but not quite the emotions it came with.

   That was 3 years ago, and while I wasn't necessarily depressed then, I am much better now. I feel very at peace with myself and my sexuality, and I have realized something else: I didn't want a relationship- I just wanted validation. I wanted to feel like I was at least capable of having that kind of relationship, and my mental state was majorly affected once I realized that I was.

   Another big revelation: I was very touch-starved. I know that may sound weird, but before I met a very close friend of mine who happens to be totally chill with just platonic cuddling and cheek-kisses, I hadn't ever realized how much touch meant to me. Everytime she hugs me, I feel valued, and that was all I ever wanted. I didn't want a relationship, I didn't want that kind of attention- just to know someone could do that for me.

   WHAT ARE SOME OF THE QUESTIONS I GET ASKED MOST ABOUT BEING AROMANTIC?

   #1: Are Aromantic and Asexual the same thing?

   This is the question I get asked the most. The answer is no. While they have some things that are similar, the two are fundamentally different. Aromantic means that you don't feel romantic attraction; Asexual means that you don't feel sexual attraction. Someone can not feel romantic attraction to anyone, but still want to kanoodle with someone, just like how someone can want to date someone but not kanoodle with them.

   So, next time someone tells you that they're not romantically attracted to people or don't date, please don't ask/tell them/assume that they're Asexual. I imagine it's about the equivalent to being misgendered.

   #2: Do you still think that people are attractive?

   Yes. But it's kind of the equivalent of seeing a really cute puppy; you think, 'Oh, that puppy is so cute! I wish I could play with it! But you don't want to kiss that puppy. If you do, that's a whole different thing.

   Basically, I can appreciate the fact that someone is attractive, but that doesn't mean that I have the urge to date them. It's more along the lines of, 'They seem like a really cool person, I wish I could get to know them and be friends with them.'

   #3: Does that mean you don't get crushes?

   In a way, I sort of do. I become very fixated on the idea of what it would be like to know a person or what it would be like to know that person, but that's about it. It's like being a fan of a celebrity; you think that person is really cool, and you sometimes wish you had the opportunity to know them. And while some people do really want to date celebrities, I just don't have the ability to want that sort of relationship with them.

   #4: What is the biggest stereotype about Aromantics?

   Well, I would say almost every sexuality had some sort of stereotype. For example: Lesbians= Flannel/Tomboy haircuts, Gays= Accent/Amazing fashion sense, Bisexuals= Cuffed jeans. I would say that our stereotype is that we all get grossed out by other people's relationships and are super clingy(both of these are true in my case. If I see PDA I will become visibly uncomfortable.)

   #5: Does that mean you're not attracted to any gender?

   Well, that's a little complicated. For me personally, I just enjoy appreciating the beauty and qualities of every gender. There's not any gender that I find specifically attractive, although there are certain qualities in certain genders that I find attractive. Ex: dudes who can pull of long hair, women with shorter-than-average hair, small pastel fluffy people. It varies.

   FINAL NOTES

   That's about it! Feel free to ask me any questions in the comments and I'll try to answer them the best I can. If you're aromantic as well, let me know if there's anything you related to or you feel like I got wrong in the comments.

   Keep in mind, I do not speak for every aromantic person out there! This is just based off of my personal feelings/experience. Sorry if I got off track anywhere/if there are any typos!

   Let me know if this helped you out with anything!

   ♡