The Misadventures of Hatty.

When Things Went Wrong.

I don't know how many flowers I sent in total but the library shall always remain a foe.

At a young age I had always enjoyed reading, how different genres can take you to different places, where you can meet new people without the awkwardness of real life. Through this passion for reading it only made sense to gain possession of a library card, and head on down to local joint.

I was always aware of my behaviour in the library, as I have a "naturally suspicious demeanour" according to friends; I didn't want the librarians to think I'd steal their books or hack the ancient computers, however, much to my dismay one of them did. I called her (in my mind) Hatty, because of her unfortunate collection and love of hats. 

Hatty was a nervous speaker with a croaky voice, often seen hiding in the depths of the library, if only her hats weren't so "eccentrically bold" she would remain unseen forever. Hatty took an instant dislike to me- I didn't have the exact change for a DVD rental, ever since then we have an unspoken but palpable mutual hatred.

It started with deliberate reluctance to check my books in and out before graduating to no service at all. At first I didn't mind but over time it just held up my day, waiting for someone to check me out, as Hatty spread news to the other of my "abusive language" towards her and incessantly loud typing. I took a stance, this goblin human hybrid was going to be served a piping cold dish of revenge. Looking back pathetic revenge, but you have to take a stand with the injustices of this mortal realm.

The day of the plan, de-hat Hatty, was seemingly normal, but my nerves were shot with anticipation of the main event waiting to unfold. Opening the doors to the library was harder than usual as my palms were lined with a thick layer of sweat and possibly eczema. Once inside I had the task of locating Hatty, which proved easier than I thought as Hatty had moderate to high asthma and frequently took breaks after a strenuous 2 minutes of stacking the shelves. Not to mention this 4ft 8in woman added maybe another foot onto her height with an Eiffel tower themed head piece. 

Armed only with a Bible I hid behind a shelf, Hatty hunched over directly in my eyeline I aimed that bible at her head and launched it at the goblin woman; instantly wishing to reverse time and not throw a bible at a possibly disabled person, knocking her hat clean off her head.

After what seemed like an eternity of hesitation, I turned on my heels and briskly walked out of the crime scene, vowing never to return, and to potentially exile myself into the woods, never to be heard of again. However, going against every impulse, I went to a place every hardened criminal inhabits, the local off license and purchased as many tulips as I possibly could, as a peace offering to Hatty and her deceased hat. I sent numerous bunches, but yet, no reply, I even sent a flower display replicating her hat fallen in battle.

I have never returned to that library, or indeed any other, in fear of being blacklisted; all I can hope for is that Hatty and her hats, may live in peace.

"There's no honorable way to kill (hats), no gentle way to destroy (hats). There is nothing good in war. Except its ending."

 Abraham Lincoln