My Boyfriend's Back

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"The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives. The harder you have to fight for something, the more priceless it will become once you achieve it. And the more pain you have to endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. All good things are worth waiting for and worth fighting for."

- Susan Gale




Arthit picks up a red marker from his pencil holder, and bites on the end of the cap to remove it. Eyeing at the calendar carefully, he finally crosses off the last day. That's six hundred ninety days to be exact. That's how many days Kongpob has been studying abroad in Beijing. That's how many days he has been counting down till his return. Sure, Kongpob came back for a week for every winter break, but it was barely enough time to spread amongst his family, friends and him.

Each time watching Kongpob's retreating back disappear behind the security departure gate was difficult for Arthit. He had to hold back tears and keep a smile on his face until the very end; until Kongpob absolutely can't see him behind the frosted glass before he can let the smile fall. He would turn around, and drag his feet walking away slowly from the gate. Half of himself wants to stay a little longer knowing that Kongpob is just on the other side, and the other half wants to hide behind a closed door so he can let his tears out freely. It never got easier.

Many people say long distance relationships are challenging, and Arthit can attest to that. On most days, Arthit would be able to function normally. He would be the young hard working man everyone knew, and counted on. He would even proudly say he was handling their distance better than the times when they were just too busy to see each other due to school and work. This is probably because Arthit had prepared his heart for this challenge, and he is more mature now. He can't let Kongpob know how lonely he feels. He can't let everyone around him worry about him. But no matter how hard he tried, sometimes his heart just won't listen to reasons.

There have been more than a few nights where Arthit would lay awake staring at the empty space next to him. The space where he would imagine Kongpob staring right back at him with his warm smile like he hung the moon in the sky. The soft glow coming through his balcony was always just enough to illuminate Kongpob's face. Arthit would smile thinking how he used to just ignore Kongpob's stare, and pretend to go to sleep because he felt too awkward being stared at. Then a few lonely tears would make their way down to soak his pillow. His hand would reach out sweeping over the cold empty space like he needed to confirm Kongpob's absence. Then he would turn to his other side and wait for the sun to rise. Every sunrise came with a greeting from Kongpob that soothed him a little. Another sunrise, another day to cross off the calendar.

Today, it's finally over. Arthit's wait is finally over. He is so excited that he barely slept last night. He recaps his red marker, and drops it back into the pencil holder. He takes the fully marked calendar off the cork board, and puts it away. Arthit doesn't want Kongpob to tease him about him counting down the days, but he will keep this calendar always. With a silly grin, he looks around his little studio room, and it's spotless. Arthit had spent all day cleaning yesterday. He has swept, mopped, and dusted everywhere. He cleaned the toilet and the shower. He took out the trash and anything that was spoiling in his fridge.

Arthit has never been particularly neat, but he has always been clean. It's just that his boyfriend is a neat freak, and the last thing Arthit wants is for Kongpob to start straightening out his space the moment he steps inside. Arthit's eyes caught sight of his iron, and its cord is in a tangled mess. So he walks over to quickly fix the cord, and neatly place it back. Arthit knows all this isn't necessary. Kongpob accepts him the way he is, but he also wants Kongpob to just relax when he comes over. He is sure the place will go back to its messy self in no time, but at least just for one day it can be perfect. In just a few more hours, Kongpob can see his tidy work.

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