Understanding Ansh (LGBTQ Fiction)✔

Ansh Has A Fever

Chapter 5// Ansh Has A Fever

Ansh had regretted many things in life, but his admission to Vinodh was irretrievably regrettable. How could he say that? Ansh recalled the event.

"I like you."

Ansh shook his head violently to shirk off the memory. He didn't need it now. Right now, the impulsiveness and the embarrassment had made him sick with a fever. At first, he was only pretending so he could avoid the air outside his room, but at some point, the headaches changed into fever. And now he was burning, literally and metaphorically.

He wondered if Vinodh was eating his meals regularly, since, he hadn't stepped out of his room. Also, physically and mentally he was not in fine fettle to cook.

Ansh screamed into his pillow. What ensued was a fit of coughing, the dry insides of his throat impelling his lungs to feel as though they've been squeezed and reduced into pulp, the heart, in its progression towards becoming a pool of discolor. It was all too much.

Ansh reached his hand out to his bedside table, where he kept all his medicines and warm water. He sighed when he noticed that there was no water, he had to get up, and then fill water into the kettle and boil it.

Just as Ansh was pushing his weak body to get up and make way to the kitchen, he heard a knock behind the door.

Ansh sighed ever so loudly when he realized he had to get up anyway and unlock his door.

As the door opened, he came face with Vinodh, who was holding a tray of food and a hot glass of water. The only aspect that wasn't a surprise about all of this was Vinodh's ability to surprise Ansh.

Vinodh's eyes were cast on the floor, avoiding Ansh's eyes, just as he did too many times. Ansh was glad he wasn't looking into Vinodh's eyes, he might end up breaking down, or much worse, touching him. He remembers just how awkward the hug had been.

"Uh...thanks." Ansh spoke, awkwardly rubbing the nape of his sweating neck and squinting his eyes in a manner that would render him only a very limited sight of Vinodh.

No words were spoken for a good few minutes, the tray too, wasn't being handed over.

Confused and awkward, the two men shared eye contact and looked away immediately.

"Will you allow me inside?" Vinodh spoke in his silent voice. He'd never heard a voice so detached. He'd heard the rage and the gentleness that Vinodh's voice could offer but he'd never heard Vinodh's voice offer nothing. No feeling.

Ansh moved to the side and Vinodh walked in, heading straight to the bed and sitting by the edge of the bed and gesturing Ansh to come sit beside him.

Undeniably confused and shocked, Ansh just frowned at Vinodh. Ansh hated that he could never guise his emotions.

Vinodh gestured again, this time, irritated. Ansh complied immediately, not willing to ruin a rarity like this. Vinodh was inside his room and on his bed.

As Ansh sat down and Vinodh placed the tray upon Ansh's lap. "Eat", Vinodh ordered impatiently.

Ansh just sat there, not listening to him. It was his implied act of defiance.

"I'm sorry, I can't comfort people. I don't think it's my business." Vinodh spoke looking at Ansh's side.

"Wait, I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I meant to say, I can't be bothered...? So...I don't understand comfort...? I think. I don't know how to quite put it, what I mean is that, I just can't be compelled to go out of my way and help someone out when they're in distress... Uh."

In spite of Vinodh's apparent floundering with words, his voice was calm as ever.

"You're wrong. You asked me if I were crying."

"Well...that was only because, you were crying and in my room of all places, why did I even ask that? Surely, it couldn't have comforted you. "

"Your voice comforted me more than the words you said." Ansh was starting to feel fire coursing through in his body and in his environment.

Is it the fever?

"Uh...I don't know what to say to that."

After a while, Vinodh spoke again. "Why were you crying?"

"I'm not obligated to tell you now, am I? Specially, since you can't be bothered." Ansh couldn't help but feel snarky. His ego had been hurt and he was sick for fuck's sake.

"You're not obligated. I just thought, it had something to do with me."

"You can't be bothered."

"I just...felt like, I was responsible for it all."

"Why would you feel that way? You know you can't be bothered."

Vinodh took a deep breath as if he were trying too hard to stay complacent. "Stop pissing me off."

Ansh scoffed, this was all too incredulous to him. "I'm pissing you off? Me? This all because of you, I'd never have gone up to your room had you just answered my call, and I would've never cried there in front of you and I'd have never told you about my feelings or hugged you!"

Vinodh said nothing. Ansh's body and mind were on fire and he really needed to calm down. Ansh sighed and asked Vinodh with composure, "Why are you here if you don't care? And with all this?" Ansh held up the tray in front of Vinodh.

Vinodh got up and said, "Oh, fuck you." Vinodh then proceeded to spring outside the room while violently closing the door behind him with a bang.

Yes. Ansh's heart was now a pool of discolor. And it was no longer a metaphor.

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