fxxing tommy!

8%

routine breaks us, we are slaves to the clock.

that night a strange, deep, and meaningless sadness struck sam at exactly 10:27 pm. his math homework's completion was gladly sacrificed in favor of wallowing in depression. for sam, it was low risk to slack in statistics, because unlike most other bi's and gays he actually had math skills.
for the past two weeks this pain engulfed him at 10:27 every day like clockwork, to a frequency where he should've felt numb. however, it striked just as heavy every time, and today it was enough to knock him down in one blow.

falling back onto his duvet, the day's events hazily flashed in his mind's eye, and the emotions attached to them came flooding back. anger and rejection morphed into embarrassment and pity, taking its final form in guilt and loathing.
his throat closed in as he shifted into fetal position, knees brushing against his blue-gray walls. hot tears welled up in his eyes, spilling over his tired waterline and pooling under his nose. the feeling deep in his chest grew, consuming him like a black hole. in his core sat a widening chasm that yearned to be filled. every warm memory between him and sofia raced through his mind, recalling her kind words and soft touch. remembering the moments that made him recoil in panic with a clenched stomach and racing heart. her affection rushed into the void, but it left as rapidly as it came, doubling the prior pain of his emptiness. each moment rode a tantalizing wall, separating sam from everything he ever wanted.

those moments felt worlds away from his pitiful breakdown, and the sensation was only deepened with the realization of just how much time has passed, and how much of that he does not remember. sofia, specifically her smile, was among the few gems in this infinite loop. days, months, and even years fly past, all the insignificant bullshit day after day leads one to think that there is nothing much to life at all.

as the tears steadily flowed into rivers upon his face, the familiar salty burn comforted his weary mind. he sought the empty escape of a dreamless slumber, the next step in his infinite routine. the exhaustion weighed down on his tired eyes as sam clutched a warm pillow to embrace for the night. his gutting pain simmered down into numbness, ending his heaving and replacing it with the sensation of desperately wanting to cry, but being devoid of the energy to do so. in total darkness except for his salt lamp's soft orange glow, sam shut his eyes with a final gush of tears and sunk into unconsciousness. on a bright thursday morning, he'll wake up in yet another day in his dreaded loop.

<shitty lil chap was supposed to b one beefy one but i've been sitting on this draft for a week 😐💔 i literally don't know what this was abt i have big angst n e way stay tuned brothers