Chapter 1

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I have been touring for four months now, and they have been the best four months ever. But during the last four months, my security guard John is getting really rough and strict with me. It started off with him telling me that I can't leave without his permission, and it's getting worse everyday from there. But he has never gotten physical with me, mostly just yelling and calling me names. Like today, I didn't make his coffee the way he requested it so he said this to me.

"You are so worthless Styles! You can't even make my coffee right so how are you going to make it in the music industry as solo artist!? Oh right you won't be able to! You'll never make it on your own! Now go and make my coffee the way I want it!"

"S sorry John I'll make it correctly this time."

"You better! It's an easy request how could you get it wrong dumb ass!?"

"I I don't know John I'm sorry."

"You better be! Now go and make my coffee the correct way!"

"Y yes John"

His words have gotten more hurtful the more he says them. This is how my days on tour consist of, him yelling hurtful things to me when I'm not on stage and hovering over me when I do anything. And it wasn't even him being in the same room as me all the time, he was literally standing behind me at all times. When I asked him why he did that, this is what he told me.

"It's so that you'll listen to me when I tell you to do something since when I'm not around you don't do what I say! Oh and so that you don't go anywhere with out me! You'll never get anywhere without me! You are just a pathetic lazy ass excuse of a singer that I'm trying to make better!"

What did he even mean by trying to make me better? I'm fine the way that I am. Well at least to me I am, to John I'm not the way he wants me to be. It's never gotten worse than the hurtful words though thankfully. I don't like the things he says to me, but nothing I do is right in his eyes so the hurtful words never stop. I'm always crying in my bunk quietly so that I doesn't hear me. His words hurt but he just doesn't care.
Today it's the worse it's ever been, I was getting tired of him hovering around me and the hurtful words, so I left to go shopping while John was sleeping.
It felt really good to be shopping without him breathing down my neck and telling me what to do constantly. I was gone for 3 hours and it was so relaxing since no fans were out. My phone kept ringing and ringing, I knew it was John so I ignored it. I wanted this time by myself for once, since he's been attached to me the last four months. I have never experienced my security guard being like this before when I was in the band, so it was really weird.
When I finally got back to my tour bus John was there, and he wasn't happy. I was expecting him to yell at me and tell me that I can't go anywhere without him ever. But instead I got slapped across the face, hard. I put my hand on my face and looked at him in shock. John has NEVER hit me before, nor has any security guard for that matter. He looked me straight in the eye when he told me this.

"If you leave without permission again and not answer your phone when I call you, you'll get an even worse punishment than that got it!?"

"Y yes"

"I will not be disrespected anymore! I am in charge of you and you will do as I say!"

"O ok John, I won't do that again."

"You better not do that again you lazy ass!"

I never expected him to get physical with me ever. Normally John would just call me names, and say that I'm never going to get far on my own, not hit me. He never laid a hand on me and I hope that never happens again. He looks me in the eye again and says this.

"You better not tell anyone that I hit you or you'll get the beating of a life time."

"I I won't tell anyone."

"Good, now go to your bunk and sleep."

I went to bed like he told me even though it was too early for me to be sleeping. I didn't want him to hit me again, so I listened without a complaint. I don't know why he thought that I would tell anyone. No one even knows of the hurtful words he says to me all the time. I never told anyone what's been going on because I'm too scared of what he would do if I did. I keep this all to myself, no one needs to know what's happening with me.
It never occurred to me that everything he has done and said to me has been abuse. I always thought that abuse was only physical. I didn't even know that verbal abuse was a thing. So I never thought of it as abuse, it never crossed my mind. I just thought that he was just saying hurtful things to me to make me a better person. That the slap was an accident and not abuse.
I thought that the hit was just a one time thing. I thought that he was just really pissed at me so he lashed out. He probably didn't mean to hit me, it was just an impulse because of the anger. He never has been one to calm down easily once he's pissed off. I thought that he wouldn't hit me again after today. But oh was I wrong, so so wrong.

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