letters to her (English)

Letter 6

Good Evening Tara,

Veni vidi amavi.
We came. We saw. We loved.

That's what I always hoped for.

I still remember the day you first sat in my french class.
I can't remember how I've fallen for you but I can remember the day of your graduation. I handed you your certificate and holded your hand for a short time when I realized how much it will hurt to let you go.

To be honest, I had always been afraid of loving you.
I mean not of love itself but of loving you.
You're a impressing mystery.
You always seemed like a girl that carries something no one yet understood and I had been afraid that I would also not understand it. Like everyone else before me.
You're the ocean and I'm just a girl who loves the waves but is afraid of swimming.
(Christopher Poindexter)

But when it comes to you, I never thought it through. I just felt, you know?
And I always hoped, that even if I'm broken, you would marry every single piece of me.

The first time I've seen you at school, the day you went to get your schedule, I thought, that I hope she like girls. I hope she'll become my girl.

And then I had to realize, that you won't be my girl.
I don't think, that you will ever be someone's girl.You don't want to belong to someone. And that is, what I love the most about you.

You're like art. This sort of art, that awakens thousand emotions.
This sort of art, that everyone eants to see. Like a Picasso or the Mona Lisa. But your smile worths more than any kind of art in the world.

So here are a few reasons why I love you:

1. You have the kindest, sweetest smile

2. You make everyone smile

3. You already made me laugh one time or another

4. You're really cute. Super duper cute. So cute, that I can't stand it.

5. You're cute and intelligent and you're looking good and you are breathtaking and crazy and funny.

As much as I love you, I never thought that I would miss you like that once you're gone.

I was fine till I sat on the floor of my showe, hyperventilating and crying your name into my hands. There I realized, that you became my air to breath and suddenly I felt like I wasn't even the dirt under your fingernails.
You had been the person deciding over my day even if I only saw you a few seconds.

And I saw it.
How we marry, move in together, us cuddling on the couch, waking up each other with soft good morning kisses, how we fight, how we excuse, how we're cooking our favourite food together, how we smile at each other without any reasons, how we annoy each other when we're bored, how we would have the cutest kids, how we would watch them growing and how we would never leave each other growing old next to each other.

I had always seen us together.
Forever.

If I would habe told you about all that.
Maybe you would have stayed.
Would it have changed anything?
But will my words still count in one year?

thousand honest kisses
Chloé

„You stupid, stupid, stupid selfish Chloé! How can you even do that to me?", Tara reaches after the bottle of wine on her table while sobbering, „You selfish asshole how could you?
How can you leave me alone with words like that? I would really really have loved being your girl."