Book 1 - Back of the Shadows

Chapter Six

Ben takes in everything that Gunnar has said. This kid is too mature for his age, too smart. Ben makes his way over to the bathrooms and waits for her to come out. He'd wait a lifetime for just one chance with her. As he stands outside he can vaguely hear her talking to herself.

Sadie stands in the bathroom staring at her reflection. Her feelings are in overdrive as she is struggling to find her breath. Thankfully Gunnar was there to help subside some of the feelings, but as she stands in front of the mirror, it is taking all of her to bring her back to normal. As she walked away she looked back and saw Ben's look of concern. No one knew of the panic attacks and they increased after Will died. Summer has always been the barrier for her and more recently Gunnar has become the second person in her life to see this and want to help. This kid carries more on his shoulders than he needs to and that's why Sadie will work thirty jobs to give him anything he asks for. She continues to sit in the bathroom until she catches her breath.

"You are ok, you will be ok, you are better than ok," she says "You've got this Sadie."

She makes her way out of the bathroom and as the door closes behind her, she feels a hand grab her arm and pull her back. When she turns she sees Ben, her heart, her love staring down at her. A look she can't quite pinpoint. Before she can react, he leans in and gives her a kiss. As if all of reality fades away, she reaches up and wraps her arms around his neck. This kiss is more than she could have ever expected. One of his hands makes it way around her face and his attempts to pull her closer to deepen the kiss. This kiss is full of fireworks and heated exchange or pent up emotions. The taste of their lips is like heaven, and her smell of sweet vanilla invades his senses. Just as he steps closer to her reality sinks into Sadie's mind... He is married. He is married to her "friend". She pushes him away and before she can help it, the tears fall from her eyes. Ben tries to move closer to her, confused by her actions and without thinking Sadie's hand makes its way to his face, slapping him hard. As the pain sears through his skin, he realizes his mistake. She thinks he is in a happy marriage to her friend.

"I..I.. Sadie, I.." Ben says.

"No, You asshole!" Sadie screams. How could he do this to her? Was this a joke? That is all she can think of as she walks away from Ben. Ben stands in his tracks stunned at what just happened. Baffled at how a small wonderful moment is turned so horrible, he tries to think of a way to fix this, tell her about Brittany.

When Sadie gets home she immediately changes into her pajamas and climbs into bed. She can't believe what happened. Why did he do that? He is married, he chose Brittany! between the breakdown and Ben, Sadie falls into an exhausted sleep. As the next morning comes, she wakes up to the smell of sausage and buscuits. Gunnar. She makes her way to the kitchen island and takes a seat. Big breakfast for a big day, homecoming dance.

"Hey Momma, big evening huh?" Gunnar says optimistically. Hoping that the anxiety has passed. "It was nice of Ben to include dad."

"Yeah, it was pretty amazing all around," Sadie says while touching her lips. The feeling she had long awaited and in such a beautiful moment was tainted.

"Eat up, we have a lot to do today mom," gunnar says, shocking her out of her thoughts.

"I've set up an appointment at the barber for a haircut and shave of your choice." Sadie says with a smile.

"Really?! You aren't going to do that? Is that why you picked up the extra shift?" Gunnar says excitedly.

"Hush, tonight is a big deal. Don't worry about anything other than having a good time," Sadie says lovingly.

They finish eating breakfast and as Gunnar runs out the door to go to the barber, Sadie spends the day cleaning up and getting ready for tonight. Some friends and their family will come take pictures out by the barn on the farm next to their house. When Gunnar arrives he sits and tells Sadie all that he's done on his checklist to make sure he has everything. Barber, check. Restaurant verified reservations, check. Flowers for Victoria, check. Gunnar takes his time in getting ready wanting to make sure that he looks his best for the girl of his dreams. As he walks out and see's Sadie standing there with tears forming in her eyes, Gunnar can't help but feel proud of his mom.