Almost. Used To.

2

The second I step into my mothers house, I'm enveloped in arms. "Happy Birthday!" I can hear Finn and mom simultaneously say. I can handle them alone, but when they're together it's chaotic.

"Thank you." I say once I'm safely back on the ground. I hear the buzzer for the oven go off. "What is that?" I ask looking at my mother as she walks toward the sound.

"It's for tonight, and before you say anything, your brother suggested it." she says taking it out.

"I told you guys, I don't want to celebrate. I just want to lay around the tv and get fat off of junk food. Cakes are too formal." I say shaking my head at my insane mother. If there's one thing Emma Jones doesn't know how to do, it's listen. We've gone through this conversation every year since Jay. At first they understood, but now that it's two years later, they don't understand it.

"Sam, it's been two years. I think he'd wan-" I hold my hand up to stop him.

"Don't do that." my eyes harden. "You both know the reason, and yet here we are having another conversation about this?" they both have guilty looks on their faces.

"Sam, that's not what I meant. Mom just wants it to be the way it used to, for us to celebrate the way we used to." I know they don't mean any harm, but it's still hard.

I exhale, "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect it at all." Mom looks at me with a sad smile, Finn has his hands in his pockets. "Just tell me you made some food, I'm starving."

--

The rest of the night is filled with our routine, the only thing missing is Jay. He's been missing from our equation for two years.

When I get back to my dorm I hear Grace crying, that can only mean one thing. She's watching The Vampire Diaries without me.

When I open the door, she jumps. "God Sam, you scared the hell out of me." she reaches over and turns on her bedside lamp. "I didn't think you'd be ho- what's wrong? Were you crying?" I don't have to respond.

"Come here." she pulls her blanket back and moves to make room for me. "What happened?"

I shake my head, exhausted. "Nothing, just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" she already knows the answer.

"I miss him." I whisper, barely audible.

"Oh babe, I know you do." she hugs my shivering frame. I feel her fingers start to brush through my hair. A lone tear travels down my face.

"I didn't think it would hurt like this, but it hurts so much Grace. What if it never stops hurting? What if I always feel this hurt?" I ask, tears running down my face messing up the already disoriented makeup.

"It's gonna hurt, Sam. It's gonna get worse before it gets better. You're gonna have more days like this, and then one day you're gonna wake up and it's not gonna be so strong. You'll still miss him, but the pain isn't gonna be as extreme as it is now. Okay?" I nod my head, ready to end yet another birthday.

The next morning I find myself in a booth at the cafe, waiting for my iced coffee. I look out the window at the open water. I used to come out here and swim all the time, but then things happened.

"So, this is where I can find you instead of class, huh?" I jump as I turn and see Oliver sitting in the seat across from me. I don't say anything and look back out the window. "Ouch, the cold shoulder. What did I do?" I ignore him. "Hey, are you okay?" He tries again. I ignore him once more.

Minutes go by, and I start to think he's got up. I look out of the corner of my eye and catch him looking at me.

"What?" I announce, already tired of him. I narrow my eyes at his cheeky smile.

"I didn't say anything." He retorts.

"But you were staring." I mention.

"I can't stare?" He can't be serious.

"Where you're from it might be okay, but here it's considered rude." I state as if I'm teaching a toddler.

"While that may be true, where I'm from, I'm taught to appreciate the beautiful things in life." He says with a grin.

I roll my eyes, " You're so full of it." Just then I hear my name being called. "Well this has been nice, but I must be off." I grab my bag and head for the door.

"Wait up!" I can hear Oliver picking up his pace to catch up. "Where you going?"

"Didn't we have this talking yesterday?" He's starting to get on my nerves.

"Yeah, so?" is he stupid?

"Like I said yesterday, it's none of your business." I tell him, looking up at him. Damn, he's tall. He's gotta be what, 6'4?

"Well, we're friends, right?" When did that happen?

"Well seeing as I wasn't aware of this, I don't think so." I shake my head, picking up my pace. When I hear his foot steps pick up pace, I stop. "Seriously, don't you have anything better to do then to bother me?"

"I don't, everyone already made plans for tonight, so I'm free." He says his grin returning.

"Well I have plans, and they don't involve you, so bye." I start to walk away again.

This time he doesn't follow. I see Grace watching me from the door to the dorm hall.

When I reach her, I see the sly grin on her face. "Who is that?" I what she greets me with. Hello to you, too.

"No one." I say, eager to stop this conversation before it starts.

"Didn't look like it. He's still standing there." I whip my head, only to find his spot empty. I look at her with a blank look.

"Ha, that was so funny." I push passed her, ready to start our Vampire Diaries marathon. Her laugh is drowned out by the closing of the door.

I'm never going to hear the end of this.