Sincerity Is Scary ✔~ trixya

Chapter 2: Playing On My Mind

Another day.
Another painting.
Blonde waves and pink dresses haunted her.

She had tried finding a new muse, she really had, but no one wanted her other paintings.
Paintings of her was the only ones they wanted, and who could blame them?
She was the only one Katya had ever wanted aswell.

There had been relationships, hookups, friendships, but none of them compared to the pink angel that had come into Katya's life like rain in a drought. Of course none of that mattered anymore. The angel was a devil in disguise.

Katya always thought she would be the one to cause Trixie pain. Her family's sketchy past, her other friends, or her tendecy to lean towards drugs as a resort had all hinted towards that.

However in the end it was Trixie who broke Katya's heart.
Trixie who ended whatever it was they were.
Trixie who left.

She knew why Trixie needed to go, knew how difficult things were, knew how the contract would fix it all, and knowing were she had ended up, Katya couldn't ever pretend like Trixie made the wrong desicion.

What hurt was how she made it.

They were best friends before they were lovers, so why didn't Trixie consider how much her moving away would hurt Katya?
Why wouldn't Trixie discuss it with her?
And most importantly, why hadn't Trixie trusted Katya enough to tell her that she had been sending in demos for 2 years?

Katya had always thought they told eachother everything, but apparantly that was a lie.

She knew that being this bitter still was childish, they were older, Trixie had clearly moved on to better things, but Katya still couldn't let go.

Katya had gone to art school, much to her father's dismay as he wanted her to join the family business, but it had worked out well. Katya's family had money, so she didn't really need to succeed, but her paintings had sold. Well, her paintings of Trixie had sold.

Painting was good for her, it kept her away from all the destructive bullshit she had started doing when Trixie left. However it was ironic that the only paintings of her people wanted, were of the person she desperatly wanted to forget.

They were rarely blatently of Trixie, more so of Trixie's personality, and smaller features.
There'd be a painting of an eye, but it would be her deep honey brown ones, surrounded by bold graphic eyeliners that over the years changed with Trixie's style choices.
There'd be a guitar, but it would be her special one, the one with mother of pearl doves on the neck.
There'd by a sillouette, but it would feature her wide hips and small waist.

The more telling paintings were however never up for sale, it would hurt Katya's pride too much. Instead they were lined up in her studio, a constant reminder of how ridiculous Katya was.

Every now and then she'd imagine what her life would be if Trixie stayed.
Would they still be together?
Would Trixie never have done music?
Katya hopes she still would have.

Katya hates country music, hates live music in general, but Trixie's songs, they were different.
She wrote so honestly, so earnestly, so familiarly.

Katya knew every lyric, knew every melody, and owned every album.
She hated herself for not being able to resist listening when Trixie's first album was released.
She had heard Soldier first, and then regretted the choice to listen at all. For some reason, so many of Trixie's songs seemed like they could be about the two of them, but of course Katya knew that that was crazy.

Trixie was a beloved, popular, and very openly gay celebrity. And while no releationships had been confirmed over the years, there clearly hadn't been a lack of girls. Katya was sure that Trixie just hadn't wanted to publish her relationships, 'cause honestly there was no way in hell that someone like Trixie Mattel was single.

Trixie was talented, funny, charming, and looked like a wet-dream.

When she left Marlborough she was attractive yes, but she was mostly adorable and sweet. But over the years she had been slowly changing her style, changing her makeup, and she had grown an era of untouchable confidence that made her so incredibly sexy despite her pink-aesthetic.

No, no way was someone like her single still. Katya wasn't delusional enough to think that.

Trixie had never returned, never even contacted Katya, which hardened the blow as Katya was painfully aware that Trixie kept in touch with a lot of their mutual friends. Of course, most of them had left too. Adore returned tho, and Violet never left in the first place. But over the years they also sort of lost contact with Trixie.

A knock on the door threw Katya out of her thoughts.

"It's open!" She yelled and moments later Violet entered the room.

"Hi whore, still painting?" She asked.

"Yeah, nearly finished tho. What do you think?" Katya spoke, stepping awawy from the canvas slightly. She had finally painted something different, something good. That was until she stepped away from it and saw that her yellow clouds had turned into golden waves of hair.

"Another one of her?" Violet said raising her eyebrows.

"No, it isn't, at least it wasn't of her... it was meant to be yellow clouds." Katya said defeated.

"Oh, so much better! You literally attempted to paint the title of her song and ended up painting her! Yeah, you're clearly making lots of progress." Violet said sarcastically. Violet and Adore had been trying to convince Katya for years that she needed to contact Trixie to get closure. The problem was Katya didn't trust that seeing Trixie would bring her closure, she believed it would make things worse.

"Shut up, it's not like that. Will you just leave it?" Katya said, clearly irritated.

Violet waited a minute and walked towards the door while considering if she should tell Katya the original news. Trixie's show had been announced of course, but Violet was sure that Katya had deliberatly ignored which date it was.

"She's back in town you know. She's playing a show at Dolly's tonight." Violet said, trying to see if there was any hope of getting the bitter woman to swallow her pride.

"I don't care. Why would I? She's no one to me." Katya replied, annoyed that the subject had been brought up once again.

"If you don't care, why is your entire studio covered with paintings of her?" Violet said angrily before storming out the door.

Violet was right, Katya knew she was. Of course Katya cared, Trixie was and clearly still is her whole world.
Sincerity is scary, Katya knew that more than anyone. She hid her feelings behind a facade of irony and indifference, but the truth was she couldn't get Trixie out of her head no matter how hard she tried. Even after all these years.

But now she was here.

In Marlborough.

Trixie was back.

For the first time in years Katya swallowed her pride and made the call she knew she had to make.

"Hey Adore." She spoke in a small voice, still arguing with herself about wether or not this was a good idea.

"Hey Kat, what's up?" Come on Katya, just ask.

"Are there any tickets left for Trixie's show?" She asked, her voice cracking as she pushed out the words.

"Trixie's show? Oh my god, are you thinking of going?! Katya that's amazing!And I'm sure I can push you in, I'll get you a backstage pass too, okay? Oh my god I'm so excited! Anyways gotta go, bye!" Adore hung up before Katya could refuse. She had wanted to sneak in, but if Adore got her a backstage pass she'd probably tell Trixie, which meant there was absolutly no going back.

Katya was seeing Trixie again.

No matter if she was ready or not.