Sincerity Is Scary ✔~ trixya

Chapter 10: At The End

Tick tock.
Minute by minute, hour by hour the clock on Trixie's tour bus mocked her.
They were leaving soon.
Leaving the town that she had waited for 8 years to return to.
Leaving the only town she considered home.

Home.

She'd hoped she could have turned it into her home again, but that now seemed impossible. Katya must have found her answer, even if she wouldn't tell her what is was.
Well, considering she hadn't shown up, Trixie could guess.

She couldn't blame Katya, after all Trixie's actions had ripped them apart. It was naive to think that they could ever rebuild what they had.
She had to move on now, somehow.

As she layed down on the bed in the backroom of the tour bus she closed her eyes and imagined an ocean view.
Blue and green waves crashing around her. As warm as the reflection of a sunset. As unruly as pouring rain.
It reminded her of Katya's eyes.
The beautiful eyes that she loved so much.
The eyes she'd never see again.

The horizon in her mind seemed endless, maybe somewhere in that horizon she could find the road she was meant to take next.

There were endless possibilities, her future was open. She'd reached her every goal, secured her family's financial situation, secured her financial's for life, the only goal that remained was finding home.

Home which she knew was with Katya.

Home which no longer could be with Katya.

"Where do you go when the gold is gone?" She thought as her pen found paper like it had so many times before.

The words poured out of her, her pen flying across the blank page, filling it with colorful words like Katya filled her canvases with color.

She thought about what life was like before she returned.

I said there to the junk man
"Have you seen my heart?"
He said, "Not for a while and any pile of heavy parts"

The years wasted.

Harder to believe in all the years have come and gone

Her mom and her stepdad

They say love's a blessing, but I've seen it so cursed

And lastly, she thought about Katya.

Every story started when I found you on the page

She picked up her guitar and let the words turn into a melody, testing out until she found the right chords.
The song wasn't sad, it was hopeful.
Full of possibilities, full of questions.

As her fingers strummed the guitar strings, she remembered herself when she left the last time.
Her guitar in hand and a terrifying journey ahead.
She felt so fragile back then.
So broken that her feelings had to be hidden away.

But this time, this time she could forget her agony. Put to rest all the regrets of words she had left unsaid.
Her boundary of time and place finally broken.
She'd told her truth.

Katya knew.
Katya knew that she was loved.
That was all that mattered.

Even if Katya one day forgot all about her, she hoped she'd remember their love. No matter how flawed it was.
Trixie would try her best to tell their story. And what she couldn't record, she'd keep locked away in her heart.

As she finished the song she felt liberated. Her feet no longer chasing the future. Her heart no longer desperate to settle down.
Content with her life just overlapping with Katya's after being so closely intertwined.

She was certain that no one would ever replace Katya's place in her heart. And while she would give up anything to be in Katya's life once more, she was finally at peace with the possibility of that being an impossibility.

Trixie still believed that part of Katya's happiness was linked to her, as her own also was. But the cost of that happiness might be too high for Katya, and that was okay.
She'd accept whatever decision Katya had made because that was what truly loving someone meant.
When you love someone, you put their needs in front of your own.
If Katya needed to hold off on love to protect herself, then Trixie would try to accept that.
She'd try, and if it brought tears to her eyes, she'd view it as passing downpour.

"New song, Trixie?" Cory asked as he buckled up. Trixie put down her guitar and sat down in one of the seats across from him.

"Yeah, almost finished it." She replied.

"Does it have a title yet?" He inquired.

"Gold."

As the word left her lips a knock was heard on the door. Her manager opened it and there stood the ocean eyed girl before her, seeming like a figment of Trixie's imagination.

"Katya?" She asked as she walked to the doorway.

"It's you." Katya said smiling at her, a full bright smile.

"What?" Trixie replied confused.

"You asked me what I wanted. It's you, Trix. It always has been." The brown eyed girl felt her cheeks go damp from happy tears.

"I can't promise you forever, I can't promise you the moon, I can just promise you something sometimes." Katya said. Trixie ran off the bus and threw herself into Katya's arms.

"I don't care about forever, let's not chase the future. Let's just take it one step at a time, learn from each other and grow." She replied.

They didn't need to be perfect, they just needed time. Time to grow from the cold blood wrongs when those old love songs start to play.

And in that moment her song found it's way to completion, as did their hearts.

They were home.