Haikyuu one-shots

Colors (Akaashi Keiji x Reader)

Before we start, I'd like to say a few things. This is a story that I used to get out my feelings, and it deals with mature themes such as depression, suicidal ideation, and feelings of dread in general. there is no graphic depictions of any sort, but it can be triggering. 

I myself have depression, and the reason I wrote this is because I wasn't feeling good at the time, and really needed to describe how I felt. If you are feeling suicidal or if any part of this fic seems too familiar for comfort, please reach out to a professional and get assistance. Depression isn't a trend, depression isn't just a writing prompt, it is a disease that can kill if given the right fuel. 

Finally,  I wrote this from a very personal place, and I would appreciate it if the silly comments were NOT put on this fic. Please do not joke, jest, or try to be funny. be appropriate. 

Warning, Suicidal ideation and depression trigger warning ahead

It was massive. A wall that had blocked her years ago was finally back. It's been years since she's seen this old friend of hers. The silvery sheen of the reflective surface only seemed to reject her as others passed right through it. With every step, everyone took towards the monstrous barrier, a little bit more color faded from the side she was shunned to. Their shoes picked up the pigment like wet mud and tracked it out of the realm, leaving her with slowly depleting colors. A panic arose in her as she began banging on the glass. She screamed and wailed for it to let her pass, but a hideous tear-stained reflection denied her access. She stopped only for a moment to examine her doppelganger. Its face soon melted and transformed into a snide one. It was back, and it seemed happy to see her.

"You're not good enough." Her shadow spat "Just give up. This is it." It easily reached out of its world and grabbed hold of her throat. Its arm in the panicked girl's world was a tar-black, and it began selfishly absorbing the pigments from her. "It's nothing personal, but we all knew this was coming." The hellion began to grip her trachea and dig its sharp nails into her skin. "This was our fate. Color was never your destiny." It paused to enjoy her suffering and suffocation. It was a drug, and the high was everything it had craved. "It's time. The clock is no longer moving, and neither are we. Look how easily everyone moves past you, it's like you're worthless. A mere piece of trash on their luminous trails. You know what to do with trash." She could only release a guttural breath as she could feel her hope slowly dwindle. "It'll be easy. Once it's done, we'll have nothing to worry about." She could suddenly feel ice-cold hands began to grip her and pull her back. "Doesn't that sound nice? We can sleep. Sleep forever." It gave her a fake pout "aren't you tired?" She could feel her eyes droop as she began to let her muscles go limp

"So... Tired..."

"That's right, let's just sleep... No, you don't need to get up, you don't need to eat, just sleep" It whispered as an uncontrollable smile cut into her cheeks. "We can finally just be alone together. Let's just sleep..."

The colorless world around her began to darken as her eyes slid closed. Sleep. That's all She wanted to do. That's all She was capable of doing. She was worthless. All that she was good at was sleeping.

"I'm useless..."

The glass before her then suddenly shattered. Her demonic shadow dissipates with the shards of glass. A hand reached through and caressed her cheek tenderly. her eyes were still heavy, but She could make out his outline. His hand ran up her moistened cheeks up into her hair, where he began to play with strands.

"Hey."

His warm hello awoke her from her delusions. She was transported to her room, a place of both sorrow and comfort. She looked up to the boy who had broken through her cursed mirage through the warm covers of her bed. His messy black hair and calm eyes were a welcome sight to the distressed girl.

"Hey." She replied in a drained voice. The boy's brow furrowed as he processed her tone.

"I haven't seen you in a while. Decided to check on you. Is everything okay?"

'He'll leave you if you tell him the truth. He doesn't actually want to know. He'll see you as a burden. You're not worth his time. He doesn't have that barrier like you do. You're not worthy of him. You're just a waste of space. You shouldn't even be talking to him.' The ghoul's voice resonated in her head. The creature did everything in its power to keep her from speaking, but with each jab, a tear formed.

"Keiji..." Her voice cracked as she began to break down. Keiji swooped in and began to cradle her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're doing this for me, I'm sorry I'm a mess, I'm sorry I'm not worth your time, I'm sorry you could be doing other things," The blubbering girl spewed. Every suggestion that the invisible enemy inside her head began flooding from her mouth and degrading her soul. Keiji only gripped tighter as his calm features buried their way into her hair.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Keiji mutters as he allows the torn, unhealthy girl to cry. He knew she had hit a wall, and until she felt like she could hurdle it, he wasn't going anywhere.

With a kiss on the head, her black and white tears were soothed in his world of color.